Spit Jokes

How do you know when you have a good redneck girlfriend?

If she can give you oral with a dip in and know which to swallow and which to spit.

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

One says, "Spit out your gum!" The other goes, "Choo Choo Choo"

What do you call a spitting alarm?

An Allarma

How is Drake similar to someone with dysuria?

They both spit fire

What do you call a large group of people who spit on others?

The Salivation Army.

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?

Spit, swallow, gargle.

What do your mom and a camel have in common?

They both spit.

Why does a girl who uses chewing tobacco give the best head?

Because she's knows what to spit and what to swallow.

What's the difference between "like", "love" and "showing off"?

Spit, Swallow and Gargle.

What is the difference between like, love, hate, and showing off?

Spit, swallow, bite, and gargle.

When is it okay to spit an arab woman in the face?

When her moustache is on fire!

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Why did the Egyptian spit out his water?

Because it came from the Suez.

What is the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

What's the difference between lust, love, and just plain showing off?

Spitting, Swallowing, and gargling.

What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off?

Spitting, swallowing, and gargling.

What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca?

One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.

Whats the difference between love, ture love, and showing off?

spit, sallow, and gargle.

What's the difference between an alpaca and your Mom?

One is a hairy beast that spits, the other is native to South America.

What's the difference between a school teacher and a train?

A school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, a train says choo choo.

What's the difference between a tease, a love, and a lust?

Spit, swallow, gargle.

What's black, white, black, white, black, brown, black brown, black, black, black, black, black?

A nun on a spit

Why is it better to be ashy?

cause it just means you spit more fire

What is purple, blue, and white and spits out dad jokes?

What's the last thing you hear before a pubic hair falls to the ground?

spits*

When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face?

When her mustache is on fire!

Whats the definition of love true love and showing off?

Spitting swallowing and gargling.

What's a difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher tells you to spit you gum out. The train says, "Chew, chew, chew!"

Why did the lion spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny.

Why do so many guys spit in urinals?

Just seems weird that there are that many dudes who salivate at the sight of a wiener.

What do you call thrusting a hairy rod in and out of your mouth really fast then afterwards spitting out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth

What's a moo hoo for the sound you hear when a cow spits?

A cud thud!

What do you call it when a feminist yells so much she spits on your face?

A femijizm

Why did the trekkie spit out her latte at the Star Trek Convention?

Cause William Shatner Coffee. hahahha

Why did the shark spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny!

What do you call it when you thrust a hairy pole in and out of your mouth, and at the end you spit out a white liquid?

Brushing your teeth!

What did Dr. Frankenstein say when his monster spit?

It's saliva! IT'S SALIIIVA!!!"

What's the difference between a schoolteacher and a train driver?

A schoolteacher says "Spit out that toffee" and a train says "Choo choo."

Why do people say clean as a whistle?

Whistles aren't clean, they're full of spit

Why did the aligator spit out his lunch?

Because it was two years old

What's the difference between spit and swallow?

A firm grip on the back of her head.

What if I color on you?

What if I run a truck along your back Steal your toy Throw a ball Spit food at you - My toddler, wooing the dog

What has been confirmed when Ariana Grande spat on the donuts?

She's a spitter, not a swallower.

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What do you call a vampire who owns a restaurant?

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What do you give an octomom for mother's day?

A spatula. Maybe she'll be more responsible making dinner than making babies.

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What is Drake's favorite type of alcohol?

Cripple Sec

How is Drake similar to someone with dysuria?

They both spit fire

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What do ghosts call their true love?

Their ghoul-friend

What is everyone writing songs about?

John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

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What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion

What's the difference between a drummer and publicly traded stock?

Publicly traded stock will mature and make money.

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How do you take a Mexican family portrait?

Put them in the back of a truck and run a red light.

What is not a truck crashing into people?

Nice.

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Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke?

Because they ror.

What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky?

Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.

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What do you call people who use the pull-out method?

Mom and Dad.

How's my baby girl?

Me: I'm moving back in. Mom: Your room is ready. Me: No, your uterus! Mom: Steph you drink too much

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Why did the worker on the egg farm get fired from his job?

Because he had a crack addiction.

What do you call a rifle that has been fired recently?

A shotgun