Reply Jokes

When asked, 'Are you Twittering?

if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

When one points and asks his friend, "Is that statue a foot?

To which his friend replies, "No, it's about four and a half feet."

Who slept with my wife?

and in the background someone replied "You ain't got enough bullets."

Why don't you play with your friends?

he asked. 'Because I only have one friend' the girl replied. 'And I hate her.'

Why did you do that?

I replied,"That's what you're supposed to do in soccer, right Kick balls "

How much is a dozen bananas?

ampnbsp And the cashier replies: &ampnbsp -Twelve bananas

How does the chef prepare the chicken?

The waiter replies, "He looks it straight in the eye and says, 'You're gonna die.'"

How many women have you slept with My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

How's your head?

Don't reply with "No man has ever complained."

Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?

but they don't stop long enough for you to reply!

What'll it be, love?

The woman replies, "I'll take a double entendre." So he gave it to her.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What's the difference between this morning and your daughter...?

Slightly nsfw) His boss answers "I don't know." The employee replies "I'm not coming in this morning!"

This joke may have profanity.

What products do I use for grooming?

She was a bit taken aback when I replied, "Facebook."

What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?

Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."

How can I buy the New York Times?

He replies "Ask my wife. She'll tell you how you do it.

What's the wheel for?

The pirate replies, "Arrr it's drivin me nuts!"

How much for 2 children?

She replied, "$9.50." "Awesome!" I said. "Do I get to choose or is it a lucky dip "

What does TTYL mean?

I replied, "Talk to you later". So she responded, "No! Talk to me now! What does it mean "

What have you been doing for it?

She replies, "Snorting pepper."

How much will that be?

asks the neutron. "For you " replies the bartender, "no charge."

Whatever shall we do?

Let us spray!" replied the other.

Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?

Her mom replies, "Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."

How did you get here?

he asked. And the new angel replied "Flu..."

How do you get a woman to stop texting you?

Reply to her message within a minute

What I reply with when someone asks, "What'd the comment say?

Removed

Which one's yours?

I replied, "None of them... yet."

Why do you have a pear on your head?

He replies, "It's not a peach, it's a plum!"

Which doctor?

I replied "No, a medical one."

When my girlfriend asks "mom, what are you doing!?

I reply "Taxes."

Which part of the body goes to heaven first?

A Kid replied: The legs... Because everynight I see my mum's legs up high and screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING!! XD

What exactly is going on?

I asked. He replied, "A Major engineering feet."

What should I wear?

Mr. Salad asks. She replies, "It doesn't matter to me, just be well dressed."

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Ocean Jokes More Ocean Jokes

What do you call 10,000 SJW's at the bottom of the ocean?

a good start.

What do you call 1000 emo kids at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

Why was Thor so worried about his hair looking good?

because he is a Norsissist.

What's the best part about taking a shower with an 11 year old girl?

If you slick her hair back, she looks like an 8 year old boy.

Ninja Jokes More Ninja Jokes

What is a Ninja's favorite beverage?

Karatea From Fargo Ep. 2

What do you call a group that only wants a Ninja?

Goad-diggers.

Walk Jokes More Walk Jokes

Why do birds fly to the tropics in winter?

Why, wouldn't the winter be over by the time they reach, if they walk all the way along? So they fly.

Why do some girls walk in threes?

They can't even.

Adam Jokes More Adam Jokes

What did the snake day to Adam after he bit the apple?

You owe Eve an O.

What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?

A. They really raised Cain.

Bath Jokes More Bath Jokes

What's the difference between a woman in church and a woman in the bath?

One has hope in her soul...

Why does Peter Parker have a shower in his apartment?

He can't get out of a bath.

Woman Jokes More Woman Jokes

What does a woman want more than anything in the world?

Nothing. She's fine.

What do you tell a woman that has 37 stab wounds?

Nothing, you already told her 37 times.

Scold Jokes More Scold Jokes

Why did the hunter scold his blonde wife after she shot a moose over quota?

Cause when he asked her why she shot it, she replied: "I asked it what it was before I shot. But that cow wasn't gonna fool me!"

How do mathematicians scold their children?

If I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times ..."