Wish Jokes

How does Seth Macfarlane wishes you Eid Mubarrak?

Keep it in church, guys.

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Why is a bad government like a bikini?

Because people marvel at what's holding it up. And they wish it would fall.

What does Peter Parker wish he would have went to school for?

Web design.

What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday?

I'll column later.

How do you get wishes from cheese?

You fed-a-genie!

What has a slice of burnt toast and a pregnant girlfriend got in common?

In both cases you wish you took it out a few seconds earlier.

Why Are Mexican & Black Jokes Overdone?

Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(

Whats the difference between a genie and a genius?

A genie grants wishes, while a genius wishes for grants.

Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

What does a Mexican cop say when he wishes you a Merry Christmas?

Police Navidad.

What do you call a nine-sided polygon that wishes to remain anonymous?

anonagon.

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What do you do when you meet a robotic genie?

You mech a wish.

How many forever alone guys does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he wishes it was two.

What's really important to a bat when they are looking for a new home?

Echo-location, location, location (Replace "bat" with "zubat" if you wish.)

Why did the black kid wish for a white Christmas?

Because all his white friends got better gifts than him.

Why does Vincent van Gogh always look forward to thenew year?

Because everyone wishes him a new ear.

How many lonely guys does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. But he wishes it took two.

What 3 books would you have on a desert island?

ME: My first book is more books. F: What These aren't wish M: Second book's a TV.

Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?

They wished it was Anubis.

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

How many PA's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Nine........one to do it and eight others to wish they'd been asked.

What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show?

I wish I could hear you whinnie.

What is your first wish?

Joe: I want to be rich. Genie: Granted. What is your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

What did the pebble say to the rock?

I wish I was a little boulder!

What kind of genie only grants wishes to men?

A misogenie.

How many thingamabobs does Ariel have?

20 "Twenty-*one*. She got the last one when she wished for legs."

Why do horses make terrible congressmen?

Because they can only say "neigh!" I wish this was a joke made up by my 7 year old cousin, but she's imaginary.

Who does Christopher Reeve wish he could be?

Christopher Walken

Whats the difference between a hippie on fire and a lifetime supply of patchouli?

I don't wish for a lifetime supply every time I smell patchouli.

What is a Farmer's favorite pick-up line?

Girl. You look so good that I wish I could plant you and grow a whole field of y'all!

How do you say hello to a femnist?

You don't. To do so would violate her wish to not be part of the society she lives in.

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

Why were my balls wet?

cause i dipped em' in the wishing well! LOL

What country do all cats wish to get their food from?

Viet NOM NOM NOM NOM NOM

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Why Are Mexican &amp?

Black Jokes Overdone? Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal!...I'm sorry, you can hate me if you wish. ;(

What did John Wilkes Boothe's stage partner wish him on the day of that tragic night?

Break a leg. So he jumped off the balcony... Sorry that I am not funny.

What do werewolves put at the bottom of their e-mails?

Beast wishes.

Why are mexicans so predictable in Uno?

Because they always wish for the green card

How can Euchre and Marriage be similar?

Sometimes you start out all hearts and diamonds, but end up wishing you had a club and a spade.

What's the cruelest curse to wish upon a single guy?

I wish his hands were made of stone."

You might also enjoy:

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

Whats the difference between the English cricket team and a teabag?

A teabag stays in the cup longer

Whats the difference between congress and a US mint?

One of them makes sense!

Genie Jokes More Genie Jokes

Why did the genie turn the man into a toad?

He rubbed him the wrong way.

Whats your first wish?

Dave: I wish I was rich. Genie: Granted, what's your second wish Rich: I want lots of money.

Fall Jokes More Fall Jokes

What did the earwig say as it fell down the stairs ?

Ear we go !

Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?

Because the beans keep falling through the grill.

Joe Jokes More Joe Jokes

How messy is your closet Joe?

You have been in your closet for an entire month cleaning it!"

What do cannibals like to drink in the morning?

A cup of Joe.

Bonaparte Jokes More Bonaparte Jokes

What is the difference between Napoleon and his son?

One is a Bonaparte from the other.

Why didn't Napoleon get his wish?

Because he couldn't pull the wish Bonaparte.

Money Jokes More Money Jokes

What is the difference between a guitar player and government bonds?

Government bonds mature over time and earn money

What's the difference between a football player and a bank robber?

The bank robber says: Give me the money or I will shoot! The football player says: Give me the money or I won't shoot.

Shy Pebble Wish Jokes More Shy Pebble Wish Jokes

What did the shy pebble wish for?

That she was a little boulder.

What did the shy pebble wish for?

That it could be a little bolder!

Pick Jokes More Pick Jokes

What's black and got ten arms?

I've got no idea, but it probably can pick cotton like hell.

What did the black cat say to the fish ?

I've got a bone to pick with you !