Crime Jokes

Why's it so hard for blind people to commit crimes?

Because they can't see.

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What do you call a scam artist who uses his vocabulary to commit crimes?

A LexiCon

What do you call a drunk who happens upon the scene of a crime?

an innocent bystumbler

How does a pregnant black woman fight crime?

Abortion

This joke may have profanity.

Why do rappers always get arrested?

Because he who did the rhyme did the crime

What did the cat say when it was wrongfully accused of a crime and sent behind bars?

Let Meowt!!!!"

What crime is he accused of?

Vesicular Basalt

Why did two owls get arrested for the same crime?

They were in ca .

How does a black woman fight crime?

By having an abortion

This joke may have profanity.

What happens after an alligator commits a crime?

You call an investigator

What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons?

Special branch.

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What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime?

Small medium at large.

What is black and in jail?

A black man who committed a crime.

How does a black woman stop crime?

She gets an abortion.

This joke may have profanity.

How did the private eye use math to find the intent of the crime?

He solved for y! Thought this one up myself and thought it was post worthy

Where does light go when it is convicted of a crime?

Prism

What does Spiderman do when he's not fighting crime?

Web Development.

Why did the crazy Mexican conductor get convicted for a crime?

because he had Loco-Motive.

What happened to the thick yellow liquid that committed a crime?

It was taken into custardy.

What's dark, and usually involved in crime?

A balaclava.

How do you figure out if Will Smith committed a crime?

Dust for Fresh Prints! (i this version better than any snowstorm b.s.)

What do you call a dead baby ,who fights crime?

Miscarriage of Justice

What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you?

Partner in crime.

How do they prevent crime in hamburger country?

With burger alarms!

What did the mayor of dinosaur town say when crime increased by 50%?

This calls for Jurastic changes

Why is Xena never charged with any crime?

Because she's Lucy Lawless

What squeaks as it solves crimes ?

Miami mice !

Why aren't you allowed alcohol on a golf course?

Because it's a crime to drink and drive.

Why didn't the movie ticket get convicted of both of its crimes?

It would only admit one.

What crime was committed against the coffee?

He was mugged.

Why did the vegetable thief get a lighter sentence?

Because he admitted the crime was *parsley* his fault.

Why didn't the drummer commit the crime?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

What's the difference between crime and cybercrime?

At the moment this joke.

Why did the phone get away with its crime?

Because it had good connections!

What do you call a black guy on a bike?

Crime

What's next, thought crimes?

CNN: If you stare at your hand for a long time it will look weird

What does a racist joke and a crime have in common?

They both start with you looking over your shoulder.

Why did the mobster buy a planner?

So he could organize his crime

Where do shapes go to pay for their crimes?

A prism.

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

Why shouldn't you be racist?

Because racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

What crime did the tree commit to be put in tree jail?

Treeson

What happens if a pyramid commits a crime?

It is put in imPRISMment!

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage?

It was wrong on so many levels.

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Organized Crime Jokes More Organized Crime Jokes

What do you call two colored folk riding a bicycle?

Organized crime!

What do you call two black guys on a bike?

Organized crime

Let Jokes More Let Jokes

Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet?

Just the people who were in charge of that decision.

What happened to the boy-band member who dropped the soap In the prison shower?

Let's just say that his backstreet went more than one direction.

Black Woman Jokes More Black Woman Jokes

Why does Beyonce sing, "To the left, to the left!"?

Because black women have no rights.

How long does it take for a black woman to poop?

Nine months.

Escape Jokes More Escape Jokes

What happened when Apple added the new touchbar?

They're taking away functions, and there's no escape.

Why did all the prisoners at the AT&ampT jail escape?

Because they had no bars on their cells!

Accuse Jokes More Accuse Jokes

What do you call a none in a wheelchair?

Virgin Mobile I'm not sorry (PS, if this is a repost, I'm sorry that I didn't see the first time it got posted 2 years ago. Please don't accuse me of reposting)

Why was the driver fired from the destruction derby?

He was accused of wreckless driving.

Seven Jokes More Seven Jokes

What's red and has seven dents in it?

Snow whites cherry.

What is red and has seven little dents in it?

Snow White's cherry.

Ride Jokes More Ride Jokes

How did the instructor try to make horse riding enjoyable?

He tried to stirrup some interest!

What do you get when you cross a poisonous snake with a horse?

A: I dunno, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital!

Happen Jokes More Happen Jokes

What would happen if Russia ran out of vodka?

Well, my dear reddit, in nature there is law of conservation of matter. Therefore, if the vodka disappeared somewhere, it would appear somewhere else. And then there would be Russia.

What happened to the Christian family when they didn't pay their exorcist?

THEIR HOUSE GOT REPOSSESSED!