Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing ...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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Turnip Jokes More Turnip Jokes

What did one turnip say to the other?

We're white and bulbous, just like America

What do snotty vegetables do when they see something they don't like ?

They 'turnip' their noses.

Beet Jokes More Beet Jokes

Who raided my vegetable patch?

PIGLET: Beets me!

Why was Dr. Dre kicked out of the farmer's market?

He kept dropping the beets.

Look Jokes More Look Jokes

How hard is it to find cigarettes?

Because my dad has been gone for 13 years looking for them.

What Color Is It?

In case you hadn't noticed, the color of the wind is 'blew.' Water always looks 'wet' to me. Dirt is oviously 'dirty.' Soup seems 'soupy.' If you can't find those Crayons in your box, contact CRAYOLA.

Head Jokes More Head Jokes

How does Ohm conduct an orchestra?

Standing on his head!

Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny?

Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

Spanish Jokes More Spanish Jokes

What does a spanish programmer program in?

Si++

What do you call a little pepper in Spanish?

A jalapequeno

Salad Jokes More Salad Jokes

What do you call a room full of comatose people?

A salad.

What kind of amphibian is in charge of the salad bar?

a salad-manager

Bacon Jokes More Bacon Jokes

What's green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the Frog's fingers.

What's long, green, and smells like bacon?

Kermit's finger

Vegetable Jokes More Vegetable Jokes

What do you call a vegetable that's only kinda cool?

Radish

What do scientists and vegetables have in common?

Stephen Hawking