Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce?

Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

Why couldn't the salad bowl play Scrabble?

It had run out of lettuce

How do you win the vegetable race?

You need to get ahead of lettuce

What's in a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing ...

Why was the lettuce scared of the salad?

Cos.

What did the Bacon say to the Tomato?

What did Bacon say to Tomato? "Lettuce get together"

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

What did the veggies say, as they sat down for supper?

Lettuce, pray."

What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

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Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?

Because it's all heart.

What kinda vegetables like to party?

Lettuce turnip da beet!

What did the fruit say to the vegetable before dinner?

Lettuce, pray.

What is called a honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone with no dressing.

Why did the lettuce get arrested?

for disturbing the peas!

What did the farmer say about his missing vegetables?

Lettuce pray they turnip.

What did the vegetables say at the garden party?

Lettuce turnip the beet

What is the most common disease for lettuce?

Icebergers

What vegetable has Avoidant Personality Disorder?

Lettuce alone!*

What was the vegan rock band's first hit?

Lettuce turnip the beet!

Why do lettuce, cheese, and turkey have so many diseases?

because they're inbred

What sweetie?

Tell who what ! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..

What do you call an epileptic covered in lettuce?

A seizure salad.

Why is lettuce my favorite vegetable?

Just cos.

What Do You Call an Ethiopian with A Piece of Lettuce on His Head?

A Quarter Pounder.

What is a Honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone.

What did Bacon say to Tomato?

Lettuce get together!

What is the recipe for honeymoon salad?

Lettuce alone, without dressing. I remembered this today from a joke book I had when I was a kid. Wasn't sure if it should be here or /r/dadjokes

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What has six legs two arms four eyes and a tail?

A man holding an aardvark.

Why was the fish swimming backwards?

It didn't want to get water in its eyes.

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Why did the pig go into the kitchen?

Because he felt like BACON!

What is small furry and smells like bacon ?

A hamster !

Tomato Jokes More Tomato Jokes

What did the doctor say When a fruit walked into his office that was feeling like a vegetable?

what's tomato with you !

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing

Dress Jokes More Dress Jokes

What do you call Kanye dressed as Kermit?

I don't know, but it's not Yeezy being green.

How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish.

Stare Jokes More Stare Jokes

Why was the blond staring at a carton of orange juice?

Because it said concentrate.

Why can't people in wheelchairs be looked at for too long?

The can't handle stares.

Pray Jokes More Pray Jokes

Who doesn't?

There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence

What does a noodle say after praying?

Ramen

Epileptic Lettuce Jokes More Epileptic Lettuce Jokes

What to you call epileptic lettuce?

Seizure salad.

What do you do with epileptic lettuce?

You make a seizure salad.

Spanish Jokes More Spanish Jokes

How do you spell "nose" is Spanish?

nose

What did the guy with 6 children say to the guy with six felonies?

I don't know they were speaking Spanish.