Egyptian Jokes

What do you call an egyptian sun god with a colombian accent?

ShakiRA

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What's up?

Not Egyptian Air

What did the ancient Egyptian cheerleader chant?

THERE IS ONE GOD, HE IS THE SUN GOD! RA! RA! RA!"

What do you say when you get swindled by an Egyptian tour guide?

Egypt me!

What muscle do Egyptian soldiers generally lose control of, shortly before major battles?

The sphinxster ....

Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

His daddy was really a mummy.

What does Egyptian airport security have in common with Los Angeles airport security?

Both have LAX security.

Why did the small Egyptian climb to the top of the pyramid?

He couldn't see the point.

What do you call a stubborn Egyptian?

In denile

What do you call three Egyptian women in a bathtub?

Gorillas in the mist

What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?

ANKH ANKH!!

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What do you call an Egyptian surprise attack?

A Tut offensive.

Where do Old Egyptian people go to Swim?

The Senile River

Why did Baby Moses believe he was Egyptian?

Because he was in da Nile.

What do you call a fart from an Egyptian stranger?

Toot uncommon

Why was the Ancient Egyptian boy confused?

His daddy was a mummy

What do you call a rare Egyptian King?

King Nottocommon

Why did the Egyptian spit out his water?

Because it came from the Suez.

How do you enter an Egyptian's tomb?

Tut-an-kham-en

What do you call an Egyptian with a gastrological disorder?

Toot Uncommon.

Why was the Egyptian queen so grumpy?

Because, she was on her pyramid!

Why did it take the computer so long to decide whether it wanted to buy an Egyptian cotton sheet?

Because it had too many threads.

Where would you find an Egyptian psychopathic swimmer?

In denial.

Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?

They wished it was Anubis.

What do you call an inexperienced Egyptian God?

Anoobis

Why did the Egyptian kid in therapy?

Because he thought his daddy was his mummy.

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?

Because their daddies were mummies.

What do you call an Egyptian spine manipulator?

A Cairo-practor

What do you call an Egyptian bone-setter?

Cairo-practor.

How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...

What do you get if you cross an Egyptian mummy with a car mechanic?

Toot and Car Man.

What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida?

In da-Nile

Why are Egyptian saxophonists all such good friends?

They've got a "toot in common."

What do you call an Egyptian back-doctor?

A Cairo-practor.

Why was the Egyptian kid confused?

Because his daddy was a mummy

Why do Egyptian farts smell the same?

They have toots in common.

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?

Hey we have a toot in common.

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

Why dont Egyptian Chefs do well in the circus?

They always fal-afel off the tight rope.

How did the Egyptian go broke?

He got caught up in a pyramid scheme.

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who works on peoples backs?

A Cairopractor!

What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet?

Egyptian dummies.

Why do all Egyptian's farts smell the same?

Because they have a tutankhamun!

What do you call an Egyptian spine adjuster?

A Cairopractor

What do Egyptian kings sing on their birthday?

For he's a jolly good Pharaoh. Was that bad Ye, pharaoh-nuff

What Egyptian King called for equal farting rights for all?

Toot-in-common

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"

Why couldn't the Egyptian fisherman get over the fact that his boat had sunk?

Because he was stuck in denial.

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God Jokes More God Jokes

What did God say to the cheese that sinned?

Gouda Hell.

What is so ironic about Atheists?

A: they're always talking about God.

Public Transportation Jokes More Public Transportation Jokes

Why does Harlem have so many trees?

Public transportation.

How do you improve public transportation in Ferguson, MI?

Move the trees closer together.

Los Angeles Jokes More Los Angeles Jokes

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles?

The Betty Ford Clinic

Live Jokes More Live Jokes

Why is Santa always happy?

Because he knows where the naughty girls live. (a kid told me this one)

Why is Santa Claus so jolly?

He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas.

Egyptians Jokes More Egyptians Jokes

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

What do you call two Egyptians who've farted at the same time?

Tutankhamun.

Break Jokes More Break Jokes

Why are cows always broke?

The farmers milk them dry.

Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

Colombian Jokes More Colombian Jokes

What do you call an egyptian sun god with a colombian accent?

ShakiRA

Which color do Colombian communists hate the most?

Greengos*

Lose Jokes More Lose Jokes

Why don't turkey vultures ever lose their luggage?

They only ...

What do you call an aardvark that's just lost a fight?

A vark!