Egyptian Jokes

What do you call an egyptian sun god with a colombian accent?

ShakiRA

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What's up?

Not Egyptian Air

What did the ancient Egyptian cheerleader chant?

THERE IS ONE GOD, HE IS THE SUN GOD! RA! RA! RA!"

What do you say when you get swindled by an Egyptian tour guide?

Egypt me!

What muscle do Egyptian soldiers generally lose control of, shortly before major battles?

The sphinxster ....

Why was the Egyptian boy confused?

His daddy was really a mummy.

What does Egyptian airport security have in common with Los Angeles airport security?

Both have LAX security.

Why did the small Egyptian climb to the top of the pyramid?

He couldn't see the point.

What do you call a stubborn Egyptian?

In denile

What do you call three Egyptian women in a bathtub?

Gorillas in the mist

What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?

ANKH ANKH!!

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What do you call an Egyptian surprise attack?

A Tut offensive.

Where do Old Egyptian people go to Swim?

The Senile River

Why did Baby Moses believe he was Egyptian?

Because he was in da Nile.

What do you call a fart from an Egyptian stranger?

Toot uncommon

Why was the Ancient Egyptian boy confused?

His daddy was a mummy

What do you call a rare Egyptian King?

King Nottocommon

Why did the Egyptian spit out his water?

Because it came from the Suez.

How do you enter an Egyptian's tomb?

Tut-an-kham-en

What do you call an Egyptian with a gastrological disorder?

Toot Uncommon.

Why was the Egyptian queen so grumpy?

Because, she was on her pyramid!

Why did it take the computer so long to decide whether it wanted to buy an Egyptian cotton sheet?

Because it had too many threads.

Where would you find an Egyptian psychopathic swimmer?

In denial.

Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?

They wished it was Anubis.

What do you call an inexperienced Egyptian God?

Anoobis

Why did the Egyptian kid in therapy?

Because he thought his daddy was his mummy.

Why were ancient Egyptian children confused?

Because their daddies were mummies.

What do you call an Egyptian spine manipulator?

A Cairo-practor

What do you call an Egyptian bone-setter?

Cairo-practor.

How many governments does it take to make an Egyptian happy?

I'll let you know when I find out...

What do you get if you cross an Egyptian mummy with a car mechanic?

Toot and Car Man.

What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida?

In da-Nile

Why are Egyptian saxophonists all such good friends?

They've got a "toot in common."

What do you call an Egyptian back-doctor?

A Cairo-practor.

Why was the Egyptian kid confused?

Because his daddy was a mummy

Why do Egyptian farts smell the same?

They have toots in common.

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?

Hey we have a toot in common.

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

Why dont Egyptian Chefs do well in the circus?

They always fal-afel off the tight rope.

How did the Egyptian go broke?

He got caught up in a pyramid scheme.

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who works on peoples backs?

A Cairopractor!

What did the Pharaohs use to keep their babies quiet?

Egyptian dummies.

Why do all Egyptian's farts smell the same?

Because they have a tutankhamun!

What do you call an Egyptian spine adjuster?

A Cairopractor

What do Egyptian kings sing on their birthday?

For he's a jolly good Pharaoh. Was that bad Ye, pharaoh-nuff

What Egyptian King called for equal farting rights for all?

Toot-in-common

What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"

Why couldn't the Egyptian fisherman get over the fact that his boat had sunk?

Because he was stuck in denial.

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What do you call an egyptian sun god with a colombian accent?

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HE LET BISCOTTI HIT THE FLOOR

Why did Germany lose WW2?

Three Reichs and you're out

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Why did the T.V. break up with the remote?

She thought he was too controlling.

How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?

Her food is potion-controlled.

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Why were the locals dissapointed when an old, decrepit, broken down bus rolled into an Egyptian town?

They wished it was Anubis.

Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down?

Anubis (If you don't get it, say it slower.)

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Why do computer programmers confuse Christmas with Halloween?

Because Dec 25 = Oct 31

How do you confuse Hellen Keller?

Give her a basketball and tell her to read it.

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What's the worst way to convince an officer who's pulled you over not to ticket you?

You can have my beer if you let me go."

What's you experience with "Friends with benefits"?

The close thing I came to having friends with benefits was .......... convincing my friend to bring food for me daily.

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Why did the man drowning in the river think he wasn't going to die?

He was in de-Nile.

What does Sherlock Holmes do in the toilet?

He de-deuces.

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What do people say when you win a game in Egypt?

Game, *Set,* and match.

What do you call a Russian airliner that goes down over Egypt?

Karma.