Land Jokes

Why is the ocean so salty?

Because the land never waves back

Couple's Daily Question Mug

Couple's Daily Question Mug
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Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land

What fictional city can ISIS not invade by land?

Gotham City.

Why is the sea salty?

Because the land does not wave back.

How do you stop the government from making a pipeline across your land?

You Sioux them.

Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?

Because if they fell forward, they would land in the boat!

What's the difference between a Pilot and a jet engine?

A jet engine stops whining after it lands

What happend to Tommen Baratheon?

He made it to kings landing

Why do SCUBA divers fall backwards out of boats?

Because if they fell forwards, they'd land in the boat.

What happens when you sing a country music song backwards?

You get your wife, truck, and land back.

What was the first thing the stowaway to Mars said after he landed?

Just out of Curiosity...

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What's the fastest thing on land?

Stevie Wonder's speedboat.

Why did the Native American curse the snow?

Because it was white and on his land!

What did the pints say upon landing on Planet Metric?

Take us to your liter."

What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al Jazeera shows them landing.

What do you call a reptiloid that crashed landed its spaceship?

Imsosaurus!

What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry :)

Why don't native Americans like snow?

We don't like anything white on our land.

Who lands first?

The Italian. The black is tied to the tree.

What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing. (Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show) also "My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."

How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle?

Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

Why you cannot think of landing a job or business without internet?

No connection

What is a Nuclear Physicist's favorite Genesis song?

Land of Cold-Fusion".

What if Superman landed in Mexico instead of Kansas?

He'd be an illegal alien.

How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.

Who's there ! Athena ! Athena who ?

Athena reindeer landing on your roof !

What's the oldest red wine in America?

Give us back our land!"

Which way will it fall?

If a rooster lays an egg on a pointed roof, which way will it land Roosters don't lay eggs

What did the alien say when his flying saucer landed in a stud farm?

Take me to your breeder !

What's Peter Pan's brother's name?

Peter Pot. He gets so high he never lands.

What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?

Coo.

What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor?

Two Towers.

Why are sailors so impatient when they get on land?

Because they're tired of waiting in the rhumb line.

What is the oldest red wine?

They took our Land!"

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

A penny.

How do you know that a plane from the UK has landed?

An hour after its landed its still whining.

What are you doing here?

I just got fired from the circus "Oh my" Yeah, the calibration on my cannon was way off. I landed in your pond

What does a dancing piece of land in the middle of nowhere?

Plot twisting!

Why is Peter Pan always flying around?

Because he can never never land

Why did the 2 contractors hire a pilot to help survey their land?

Because they really wanted a third's eye view!

What's North America's most famous red wine?

Give back our land!

What is white and hurts a homophobic man if it lands on him?

An airplane

What does a cat say when it lands on it's back?

Me. Ow.

Why do scuba divers fall off the boat backwards?

Because is they fell forward they'd land in the boat.

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

What happened when the icicle landed on the sowmman's head?

It knocked him cold.

How does a Range Rover Evoque look after landing on it's roof?

Exactly the same.

What did the pig do when a beetle landed in his feed trough?

He ate it quickly before the others could ask him to share.

Who is the most cowardly knight in all the land?

Sir Ender

What's the most popular red wine?

We want our land back!!

Why haven't Women landed on the Moon?

Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!

What lands first?

The leaf, a rope stopped the emo.

What did the mexican-american say when two houses landed on him?

Get off me holmes!

What would you call Neil Armstrong had he burnt up in the atmosphere returning to earth instead of landing safely?

An unfortu-naut... God that was horrible....

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Plane Jokes More Plane Jokes

What do you call a pig that took a plane?

Swine flu!

What's the worst thing about a September harvest?

Finding a plane in your field.

Boat Jokes More Boat Jokes

What's the worst type of vegetable to bring on a boat?

Grandpa. :(

How do they get to smoke their cigarettes?

They throw one cigarette overboard, which make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Isis Jokes More Isis Jokes

What's ISIS's favourite band?

Koran Koran.

What do you call a camera mounted on a ISIS-truck?

a daeshcam

Fish Jokes More Fish Jokes

What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?

Swimming trunks!

What did the oyster say to the fish who stole it's shell?

Stop being shellfish!" *drops microphone, walks away*

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

Why isn't there democracy in North Korea?

Because everytime they try to pronounce "election" everyone starts to giggle

How do you know he's a peeping tom?

Woman: "When I asked him what he was doing out there, he said 'I was trying to get a pikachu'".

Snow Jokes More Snow Jokes

Why is Edward Snowden stuck in Russia?

Because he's snowed-in

Why did Snow White go to bed?

She was feeling Sleepy.

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference a kidney bean and a chickpea?

I've never paid $200 to have a kidney bean in my mouth.

What is the difference between a golfer and skydiver?

A golfer goes "damn" and a skydiver goes "damn" .

King Jokes More King Jokes

Why is everyone tired of the king playing video poker on his porcelain throne?

A: Cause they're sick of all his royal flushes.

Who is the king of the pencil case?

The Ruler