Lion Jokes

What do you call a deceptive feline?

A lion. Get it guys lol? Lion Lying I'll pounce myself out now...

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What do you call a lion with a fancy hat?

A dandy lion.

Why are black people so fast?

Since they run away from lions , but he nearest village is 10km away.....

How do you stop a Lion from charging?

have a successful dentistry practise.

Where do lions go if they lose their tails ?

To the re-tail store. :D

Why was the lion alone and disheartened?

He lost his pride in a bet

What do you get when you cross an octopus and a lion?

A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawal of funds.

What does a dentist do in his free time?

Shoot lions.

Why couldn't you trust the king of the jungle?

He was a lion.

Why did the lion lose at poker?

He was playing with a cheetah.

Why can you trust no one in the savannah?

Cause they be lion.

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Why was the lion a terrible cannibal?

He couldn't swallow his pride.

What did the Lion say to the Rhino?

Y NO LEGS!

How do lions like their steaks?

RAWR

What do you call the king of the jungle in the land down under?

Australian. Yes I know lions aren't jungle animals, but as per common nomenclature etc etc yadda yadda raspberry :)

What does it mean when a lion roars?

Shut up. The movie is about to start.

What is the fiercest animal in the savanna?

The . Because the lion is not as fierce as it seems...

What's yellow and smells like a zebra?

Lion vomit.

Why did the lion always lose at poker?

He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs!

What happens when you zip up a lion?

It rars

Why don't the zebra and the lion like to play cards in the prairie?

CAUSE THERE'S TOO MANY CHEETAHS!!!

Why did the liontamer stop using WinZip?

because lions only understand .rars

Who would you save first?

Wife asks her husband: Honey, If a lion attacks my mother and I, Who would you save first? Husband: Well, the lion!

What do you call a cat that claims it's a lion crossed with a cougar?

A liar.

Why can't you ever trust a cat?

Because they are always lion

What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ?

A tiger has the mane part missing !

What if the lion's too close?

picking up tiny stool "we've thought of that"

Why do only 99.9% of dentists recommend Listerine?

Because the other .1% is too busy out hunting lions

What did the zoo employee say to the big cat?

Why you always lion "

Why are lions more religious than other animals?

They prey regularly.

Why do Chinese people sound like lions when you tell them a joke?

Because they ror.

Why was the lions stomach enormous?

Because he finally swallowed his pride

How was school?

4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton

What happened when the slave put his head into a lions mouth to count how many teeth he had ?

The lion closed its mouth to see how many heads the slave had !

Why did the lion spit out the clown?

Because he tasted funny.

What do you call a lion with Down's syndrome?

A leotard.

What do you call a lion wearing a cravat and a flower in its mane?

A dandy lion!

What does a lion at the beach have in common with Christmas?

They both have Sandy Claws.

Who would you ask for advice about a lion?

a lion or a gerbil The lion, because by virtue of being a lion, a lion is an expert on lions.

What did the lion say to the antelope?

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

What Joe?

Biden: What color should the lion be Yellow. Biden: I'm using green. *giggles*

What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?

Let us prey.

What do you call a show full of lions?

The mane event!

What do you call Usain bolt when he's running from a lion?

Fast food

Why did the zoo close the big cat exhibit?

Because they just kept lion around!

What are the 2 reasons the girl broke up with her boyfriend?

Because he was a cheetah and because he was lion too much to her.

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ?

Don't go over the road till you see the zebra crossing.'

When is a lion not a lion ?

When he turns into his cage !

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Sea Lion Jokes More Sea Lion Jokes

How do seals keep their coats so smooth?

They use a sea lion.

What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?

One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.

Close Jokes More Close Jokes

What is a Mexicans closing sales pitch?

Kay-so-deal-a?

Why Was The Canvas Maker Late Home From Work?

He had to close a sail

Mane Jokes More Mane Jokes

What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have?

Lo mein.

What's the difference between a tiger and a lion ?

A tiger has the mane part missing !

Husband Jokes More Husband Jokes

What would you do if I died?

Husband: I would go crazy Wife: Would you re-marry Husband: Ah, not that crazy..

Why do you keep talking about my weight behind my back?

Husband: Because when I get round to the front I've forgotten what I was going to say

Advice Jokes More Advice Jokes

Why should you never trust advice from a group of gryphons?

Half of them are lyin'.

What advice would you give to a fish?

Stay in school and keep up with current affairs.

Pounce Jokes More Pounce Jokes

What's the best fabric Softener to use on a cat?

Pounce...

What do you call a deceptive feline?

A lion. Get it guys lol? Lion Lying I'll pounce myself out now...

Slave Jokes More Slave Jokes

What does a slave driver do with his slaves when he's bored?

He racism.

How do you tell how rich a black man is. By how many gold chains he has, how do you tell how rich a white man is?

By how many slaves he has.

Save Jokes More Save Jokes

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

So he could save his stool.

What does a sandal do on Sunday's?

It saves its sole.