Match Jokes

Why are the new iPhones so skinny?

To match their hipster owners' jeans.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why does a bride wear white on her wedding day?

So the dishwasher matches the appliances

Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

What's the difference between awkward and awful?

Awkward is finding your mom on Tinder, awful is matching with her

Why do Italians throw pizza onto the field after they win a match?

Because they rain supreme.

Why does a bride wear white?

So the dishwasher matches the rest of the appliances.

Why is the dating app called Tinder?

When you left-swipe, all of your matches go up in flames.

What do Aaron Hernandez and Jared Fogle now have in common?

Matching uniforms.

What do you call a group of 5 guys named Curtis that are all wearing matching suits?

A Curtis-y flush

Why do Brides wear white?

To match the rest of the household appliances.

Why are almost all brides dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the washing machine

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why did the groom want his bride to wear white?

He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge.

Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

How do you make a cat go woof?

Paraffin and matches.

What did the match box say to the match?

You're fired!

Why was the Berlin Wall torn down?

It didn't match with the Iron Curtains.

Why do women wear white wedding dresses?

So the dishwasher can match the refrigerator and stove

Why is it fun to play with matches ?

They're lit.

What for ?

Ref: The rest of the match !

Why don't matches play baseball?

A: One strike, and they're out.

What do people say when you win a game in Egypt?

Game, *Set,* and match.

What do you get when you cross 2 ducks and a match?

Fire Quackers

What do you call a sacred, flammable piece of wood?

A match made in Heaven.

How do you get an elephant into a matchbox ?

Take all the matches out first !

What's the difference between woman's breasts and a box of matches?

The matches are made for adults, but kids constantly grab'em and play with them. The situation is quite opposite with breasts.

Why's he in his underwear?

Batman: So we match. Look, this isn't about me.

How do you make a cat go "Woof!"?

Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)

What do you call 2 metalheads falling in love?

A match maiden heaven

What's the similarity between a match and a black person?

You have to strike them against a rough surface to get them to work.

What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day ?

DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ !

Why are wedding gowns white?

Cuz the dishwasher should match the stove and the fridge

Why couldn't Bing start a fire?

No matches founds

Why did Hugh Jackman single handedly stop a Franciscan botanist from accidentally dropping a match in the forest?

Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Why are wedding dresses white?

So the dishwasher matches the stove.

What did the angel say when he saw God make the element Phosphorus?

It's a match made in Heaven!

How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?

A: He's the one with the belt buckle that matches the impression in her forehead.

What does a carpenter do after one night stand?

A matching one for the other side of the bed.

How do you change a cat into a dog?

Soak it in gasoline, hold a match up to it, and "woof!"

Why did the wrestlers have to fight in the dark?

A: Their match wouldn't light.

Why does the bride always wear white?

Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

How do you congratulate a fighter after winning a match?

Good jab.

How do you make a fire with two sticks?

A: Make sure one is a match!

What's a big game hunter?

Someone who's lost his way to the match.

How do you make a cat bark like a dog?

Cover it in lighter fluid and throw a match at it: "WOOF!"

Which do you light first?

The match

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair?

A: It matches their mustaches.

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Light Jokes More Light Jokes

Why did you stop your car get out and yell "coward" at the traffic signal?

Motorist: The light just turned yellow.

Why didn't the Photon have any luggage on the plane?

He was Travelling Light

Situation Jokes More Situation Jokes

What did the doctor say to the man who walked off the roof of his house?

I don't think you understand the gravity of the situation.

What do you call a pachyderm that has nothing to do with the situation?

Irrelelephant.

Campfire Jokes More Campfire Jokes

Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

What kinds of stories do dolphins tell around the campfire?

They're just ghost stories for all in tents and porpoises.

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why isn't Edward leaving Russia?

because he's snowed in.

Why did God give women legs?

Because he saw the mess that snails left behind!

Jared Fogle Jokes More Jared Fogle Jokes

What did Jared Fogle say when his wife told him she wanted kids?

Me too*

What's the difference between Jared Fogle's divorce and other divorces?

Most married couples tried to stay together FOR the kids. Not divorce because of them.

Reign Jokes More Reign Jokes

When did Caesar reign ?

I didn't know he reigned. Of course he did didn't they hail him

Why can't Roman Reigns light a campfire?

Because he doesn't carry any matches!

Fire Jokes More Fire Jokes

Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?

He was always standing up on the job!

What do a hurricane a tornado a fire and a divorce have in common?

They are four ways you can lose your house!

Date App Jokes More Date App Jokes

Why is the dating app called Tinder?

When you left-swipe, all of your matches go up in flames.

What do you call a dating app for neckbeards?

Tipper.