Vegan Jokes

What's the hardest part of making a vegan pizza?

Skinning the vegan.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What did the plant say to the vegan?

Leaf me alone.

What is it called when two Vegans get into an argument?

A Beef

How do most vegans die?

Malnutrition.

Why did the vegan avoid the confrontation?

He didn't want any beef.

What personal question is not obvious yet nobody has ever needed to ask anyone?

Are you vegan?

How do you know if someone is not a vegan?

They don't tell you

How do you know whether somebody is a vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How do you offend a vegan?

Cover your ears with your hands

How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to get up on his high horse and another to chastise the first about oppressing horses.

What's the difference between a vegan, a crossfit instructor, and a psychological test subject?

The test subject is the only one you'd willingly ask to "tell us about yourself."

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Oh don't worry, they'll let you know.

What was Aladdin called after he went Vegan?

Saladdin.

Why does vegan cheese taste bad?

It hasnt been tested on mice.

How can you tell that someone's a vegan?

Don't worry they'll tell you themselves.

What did the vegan say when he saw someone familiar?

I've seen herbivore.

How can you tell when a girl is vegan?

She'll tell you

How many feminists does it take to screw a vegan?

Lightbulb.

How do you spot a vegan at the gym?

Pretty much the same as anyone else.

What did the vegan give the homeless guy?

A lecture.

What's the hardest part about being a Vegan who does Crossfit and owns a Rescue dog?

Deciding which to tell people first.

How do you know if someone's a vegan?

When you ask them "Are you a vegan?" and they say "Yes".

What's the worst part about going down on a vegan?

They taste like chicken.

How do you spot a vegan at a party?

Don't worry, they'll let you know.

What do vegan zombies say?

GRAAAAAAINS!

How can you tell someone is vegan?

Don't worry, they'll tell you

What do vegan zombies crave?

GRRAAAAINS!!

How do you find a vegan at your dinner party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

Why are vegans so salty?

To hide the fact that their food has no flavor.

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds.

How do you spot the vegan at a party?

They'll tell you.

How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Vegans have the same capability of changing a lightbulb as non-vegans.

What do Vegans, ISIS and Feminists have in common?

None of them like pork.

What did the carnivore say to the vegan?

That's a missed-steak"

Why did vegan cross the road?

Because chicken came to his side.

How do you ask someone if they're Vegan?

You don't need to, they'll tell you

How do you tell when somebodies a vegan?

You don't, they will tell you.

How do you know when a vegan gets to the party?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.

How do you know if a complete stranger is vegan?

They already told you.

How do you identify a vegan?

Listen closely.

What do vegan white nationalists chant at rallies?

Sieg-Kale, Sieg-Kale!

Why do vegans hate themselves?

They are animal products.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?

They'll tell you

How can you spot a vegan in a crowded lunch hall?

Don't worry, they'll tell you and every other person there!

How many vegan people does it take to change a lightbulb?

One vegan, I am vegan, it was me - the vegan, I was the only vegan, it was me.

What can I get for you, Ma'am?

She says "Nothing, just wanted to tell you I'm vegan."

You might also enjoy:

Non Jokes More Non Jokes

What's the difference between Mormons and non Mormons?

The temperature of their caffeine

What's the best part of an asynchronous dog?

It's non barking! Hopefully some software people get this one

Want Jokes More Want Jokes

Where are the colored printers?

I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

What do you call a deaf person who can't lip read?

Anything you want!

Hand Jokes More Hand Jokes

How do you offend a vegan?

Cover your ears with your hands

What did the girl with no hands get for her birthday?

I don't know, she hasn't opened it

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between herpes and friends?

I don't have any friends.

What is the difference between a Greek spearman and a pale beer?

One is hoplite, and the other a light hops.

Skin Jokes More Skin Jokes

What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector?

A taxidermist takes only your skin. Mark Twain

What's the disease that slowly turns your skin black?

Rap Music

Screw Jokes More Screw Jokes

How many Germans do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

One. We're efficient not funny!

How many members of Linkin Park does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, cuz in the end it doesn't even matter!!!

Dallas Jokes More Dallas Jokes

What color was the Dallas shooters eyes?

Blue. One blue this way and one blue that way.

How does Dallas Cowboys fans change a lightbulb?

They don't... they just talk about how good the old one was.

Worry Jokes More Worry Jokes

What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing?

Sardar 2: Don't worry, I have one more.

How do you tell if someone is opposed to GMOs?

Don't worry, they'll tell you.