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My dad and I are going out for sushi tonight, and he has rescheduled this dinner with me several times for dumb reasons (one night was because he randomly decided to go out drinking instead). Would love to get my revenge by making sushi puns and jokes all night, but Google is failing me--I've only been able to find jokes that either make no sense, or are just not funny at all. Help!

How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach

Who was the hide-and-seek champion of 2005?

Nobody knows, they haven't found him yet.

What is worse than finding 100 dead babies in a trash bin?

Finding 1 dead Baby in 100 trash bins.

How do you find a blind man in a nudist camp?

It's not hard.

Where can you always find kids by themselves?

edit: i forgot to say please.

Where do you find an enlightened mosquito?

In Bhuddapest

Where can you find the strongest tea?

Cliffsides (because it's so steep).

What did Haley Joel Osment find at the top of Mt. Everest?

Icy Dead People

Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

What is the best spanish joke you've ever heard?

I couldnt find the spanish section of reddit

Why do white people hate being called crackers?

Because they find it insaltine.

Why do green beans meditate?

To find inner peas!

Why did Waldo go to therapy?

to find himself.

Why did Elton John have to go to hospital after the Queen concert?

They found traces of Mercury in him.

How are relationships like algebra?

You look at your X and try to find out Y

How did the farmer find his daughter?

He Tractor.

Where can you find lubricant in the library?

In the non-friction section.

Why did you leave me here all alone?

Where o where are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found some one You met a zombie and pblblthpth you were gone.

What did the circus owner say to the human-cannonball when the he wanted to retire?

How will I ever find another performer of your caliber? (Source: a dad on thanksgiving)

What does Fozzie the Bear do when he can't find a ride?

Walk-a Walk-a

Why do you never find elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are really good at it.

What drink did the Karate Master order?

Wa-tah! Haha. I'll leave now... (Sorry if already posted. I searched a little bit but found nothing.)

What's the difference between a pirate and a necrophiliac?

I'm not sure, but they both go out with shovels to find the booty.

Why did the strawberry take the fig to the movies?

Because he couldn't find a date!

What did the farmer say when he found dynamite in one of his cows?

This is a bomb in a bull.

Why did the storm trooper decide to buy an iPhone?

Because he couldn't find the right droid he was looking for.

What do you call a Mexican who can't find his vehicle?

Carlos.

Why did the janitor file for a divorce?

He found his wife sweeping with someone else.

What's the only thing worse than finding a roach in your food?

Finding half of a roach in your food.

How do you find the Pun Bar?

You just walk into it

What 3 candies do you find in school?

Redhots, DumDums, and smarties.

When you realise your friend is an idiot" Stories!?

Hey guys, I just recently found out that my friend is an idiot. I was talking with him on Facebook and I was telling him about this game that was free online, and he says "I'm on my way to see my girlfriend". I'm sorry but WHAT? well I have a fish tank. Feel free to comment down below your stories about how you realised your friend is an idiot.

What element can you find in almost any shoe store?

Heelium! I'll see myself out now...

What did Stevie Wonder say when he found out he was blind...?

At least I'm not black"

What did the white guy say when he found out his sister got knocked up by her black boyfriend?

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!"

Where does a sad chemist find employment?

At an apathycary!

What do you get when you cross Hilter, the Terminator, and Cthulhu?

Don't stick around to find out!

Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

To find Pluto.

Where will you find the most powerful man in Los Angeles?

Watts.

What is the biggest plot twist in spanish soap operas?

When Rodrigo finds out he is his own mother

Why did the Anti vaccinator leave the solar system?

Because he found mercury in it.

Why was the G-Spot Club not making profit in the nightclub business?

Most men couldn't find it.

This joke may have profanity.

What's the difference between a school of children and a terrorist camp?

I don't know, I just fly the drone Edit/apology: My friend said this to me, I thought I should share with you all, he said that I could post it here. 5 minutes later he told me he found it on reddit.... I'm sorry all.

What do you call a Mexican who can't find his car?

Carlos

Where do you find a liberal at a convention?

In the far left corner!

What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of Helium?

HeHe

Where would you find more Leifs than in a forest?

Valhalla.

Why doesn't Bono like Google?

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

What do you find at an end of the rainbow?

Violet

What did Spock find in the toilet?

Captain's log.

Where can you find alcoholic sheep?

At the BAAAAH

What do you call a fake psychic who was found out and now shoots up in ditches?

A high medium low

Why did the walrus go to the Tupperware party?

To find a tight seal

Why's it so hard to find marathon and triathlon reviews in Germany?

Well, you know what happened last time they picked a race...

What two places can you find a California roll?

Sushi bars and stop signs.

Where is the best place to find hot grills?

A barbecue

Where would be a good place to find 25 million north korean jokes?

In north korea itself.

Why can't Thor play the piano or hide n seek with his brother?

He can never find the Loki.

What do you find hanging from cherry trees?

Your arms have gotten sore.

Where did the dog find her husband?

At the Groomers!

Where can you find Scandinavia?

Right next to Printdinavia and Copydinavia.

What's the best part of a boxer's joke?

The punch line Found in BL magazine

How many retweets to let me take your sister to prom?

A student walks up to his friend a week before prom and asks, "Hey, how many Twitter retweets do i have to get to take your sister to prom?" His friend says, "Dude, she was abducted! She's been missing 3 weeks, you know this!" The student says, "So you're saying if i find her, i can take her?"

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