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How does Sean Connery find his way to the toilet?

With a shat nav.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do you do when you find Michael J. Fox in your hot tub?

Add your laundry.

Where do you find a zebra?

25 letters after a, brah.

How do you find a black person?

Guilty.

What did justin beiber say to his mom?

I FOUND MY MICROSCOPE, now all I need is my lotion and tweezers

How many Norwegians does it take to change a light bulb?

They don't bother, you can find lutfisk in the dark.

What did the farmer say when the police found the gate from the public footpath in his barn and accused him of stealing?

That's not my stile.

What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ?

Sleep in the wardrobe !

Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?

A: She couldn't find the 10 key.

When you gonna be famous?

I tell her, 'As soon as they find the bodies.'

Who is that walking up my driveway?

Anxiety in 3...2...1... knock, knock *sigh* "WAIT A SECOND!" *mumbles* "I need to find pants."

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

Why does the food take so long at an Internet cafe?

Because the servers cannot be found

Why couldn't the blonde manage to make Ice-Cubes?

A: She couldn't find the recipe.

Why did the University of Oklahoma researcher stay awake every night?

He was trying to find a cure for insomnia.

What did the rapper say when he couldn't find his pants?

Where my knickers at "

What do you say when you find two banana peels together?

Answer: A pair of slipper

When can you operate?

lighting a candle* Doctor: When we find you a new liver.

How many Dragonball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Find out next time, on Dragonball Z!!!

How many blonde's does it take to change a light bulb?

A. 3. 1 to find the bulb 1 to find a ladder and 1 to find a man.

What kind of socks do you find in your backyard?

Garden hose.

What did the scientists say when they found bones on the moon?

the cow didn't make it.

What does Mrs. pancake say when you compliment her on her weight?

Thank you, I'm flattened! I made this joke up on my drive home and am very proud of it. You monkeys better find it funny!

What did the sphinx say?

What did the sphinx say when he found out the pharaoh caught him up in a pyramid scheme Egypt me!

What did you find most attractive concerning Monica Lewinsky?

He replied, 'She had the prettiest smile I ever came across."

How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a light-bulb?

It's not &gt9000) FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGGGGON BAAAAL ZEEEEEEEEE

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?

Oh no not snake and pygmy pie again!

How do you find the PC user in the coffee shop?

Follow the power cord.

Why is it so hard to find good posts on NSFW subreddits?

Because every post is a sticky post.

This joke may have profanity.

How can you find the blind guy at a nudist colony?

It's not hard

How do you pick one facial expression for the whole day?

Like what if you find a penny

Where do you go if you want to find a very funny joke?

Apparently, not here

What is commonly found in cells?

Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?

Find out after the break.

What do you think about the coming battle General?

God knows it will be lost. - Then why should we go for it - To find out who is the loser.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables?

In an American nursing home.

What do you find in cells?

My Ans) Black People . . . I dont know why do they ask such weird questions in biology.

What do you do meet an old friend?

What do you do when someone throws a ball What do you put on a hamburger What do you find in a litter box

How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.

What's worse than finding a baby in a trashcan?

Finding a baby in two trashcans.

What kind of a fish do you always find on a beach?

A dead one...

Why do Chinese tourists get disappointed when they visit America?

Because when they buy souvenirs they find out they were made in China.

When finding out he was into beastiality, what did Robocop say to Schrodinger's cat?

Dead or alive, you're coming with me

This joke may have profanity.

What do you call an egocentric strain of bacteria found in a Chipotle burrito?

ME-coli

Where would you find the emo kid at his birthday party?

Just *hanging* out by himself in the bedroom

When you wife asked you to buy her car, why did you buy her a diamond instead?

Because I couldn't find a fake car."

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

Are you sure it's mine "

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed?

Sleep on the sofa.

Why was Darth Vader upset when he heard George Michael will only play new songs at his concerts?

He found his lack of Faith disturbing.

What did the paper clip say to the magnet?

I find you very attractive.

What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?

Wait until he's finished.

Why Looking So Crabby This Morning?

I Just Found Out I Have Cancer...

What do you call it when you're trying to find out what someone had for lunch?

An ingestigation

What was Bernie Sander's favorite topic in mathematics?

Radicals. He loved finding the "root" of problems...

What is green, sings and can be found in the fridge?

Elvis Parsley

What's worse than finding a sack of spider eggs in your room?

Finding a sack of hatched spider eggs in your room

Why do vultures find it easy to fly?

They only ever have carrion baggage.

What's the shortest way to the front page?

Up vote to find out.

Where can you find Jhene Aiko at Bed Peace?

At bed, blunt, and beyond. Bada tssss. I tried.

Where can you find the speed of light?

At C level

What's black and found at the top of a stair case?

Stephen Hawking after a house fire.

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ?

The Lizard of Oz !

What are your symptoms?

I can't laugh and I can't sing. I'm finding it hard to do anything!"

How do you find an alive baby in a pile of dead babies?

With a pitchfork!

Who says Jesus couldn't perform miracles?

He managed to find mates named Matthew, Mark, Luke and John hanging around in the Middle East.

How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?

A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

What did water say when it found out hydrogen is a diatomic?

H2 Oh!

What do you call soup that you've found a hair in?

Rabbit Soup :D

How do you find Ronald McDonald on a naked beach?

His sesame seed buns!

What did Data find in Picard's gym sock?

The Next Generation

Where is the best place to find discounted ray bans?

gt marked as spam

What's the hardest kind of waffle to find?

A Carmen Sandy Eggo

Why is it called finding nemo?

been wondering for years

How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff?

A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch.

What if they found the face of Jesus in a piece of toast but it was actually Jesus?

This is my body, I'm nice with jam."

Why can't you find an Abbey National at the North Pole?

Because Santa dere.

Why can't a nihilist use a pencil?

because they cant find the point.

How do you find Illuminati's secret hideout?

You triangulate their position!

What do you call an element found in the ground?

Barium.

Why are quantum physicists bad lovers?

When they find the position, they can't find the momentum. When they find the momentum, they can't find the position.

Where are most fish found ?

Between the head and the tail !

Where do you find monster snails?

On the end of monsters fingers.

Why are you wrapping me up like a burrito & how did you find a tortilla this big?

Me: Shhh! This is my fantasy & burritos don't talk.

What can be found in a cannibal's shower?

head &amp shoulders

What if you go missing?

How do you expect us to find you if you look like beyonce on Facebook.

Why do the poles shift?

to find better jobs

Why do so many white people get lost skiing?

It's hard to find them in the snow.

Who would win a battle between an orangutan and a hyena?

I don't know, but we'll find out November 8, 2016.

Why do you take baths in milk?

I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower."

What's worse than finding a dead monkey on your piano?

Finding a diseased beaver on your organ.

Why did the pirate date the mermaid?

He thought finding X in her algebra would lead to booty.

Why did the gambler think he was in heaven?

He found his pair a' dice!

What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria?

The food!

How did you find the steak, sir?

The man looks at her and says "I just moved the potatoes."

What do you get if you cross Snoop Dogg with a hippo?

A smokesalottapotamus.

Why is everyone in an Internet cafe hungry?

Server Not Found.

What did the chemist say when hr found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe

Why didn't the blond call 911?

She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad.

What do you find in an alley that has holes in it?

M-my parents " "No! A bowling ball! I'm so sorry..."

What do you call it when you are looking for your Subaru Forrester in a parking garage?

Finding Forrester

What would you find on a German fire truck?

Ladder-hosen

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Trash Bin Jokes More Trash Bin Jokes

What's the difference between a feminist and a trash bin?

The trash gets taken out once a week.

What is worse than finding 100 dead babies in a trash bin?

Finding 1 dead Baby in 100 trash bins.

Try Jokes More Try Jokes

What did the doctor say to the injured gingerbread man?

Why don't you try icing it

How's Terry Fox like Jack Layton?

They both tried to run a country and died before finishing.

Dead Baby Jokes More Dead Baby Jokes

What's the difference between a dead baby and a dead gorilla?

There aren't any dead babies at the Cincinnati Zoo.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Porsche?

I've never been inside a Porsche. Nor do I have 12 Porsches in my garage.

Bad Lover Jokes More Bad Lover Jokes

Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?

A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

Why do lobsters make bad lovers?

They're shellfish in bed.

Position Jokes More Position Jokes

Which positions does a violist use?

A: First third and emergency.

What do computer programmers and aged-care nurses have in common?

They both worry about the position of colons.

Half Jokes More Half Jokes

What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated?

Juan and a half

How much for that dog?

300$" "What about the half " "I'm sorry, we only sell complete dogs."

Message Jokes More Message Jokes

How do bank robbers send messages?

By flee mail!

What's the hard part about breaking up with a Japanese person?

You have to drop the bomb twice so they get the message

Deal Jokes More Deal Jokes

Why are indecisive miners the worst?

because all day they deal with ores.

What's the deal with reddit being obsessed about puns?

I've never... META ... group of people so obsessed with puns before.. Fine, I'll leave :(:(