Present Jokes

What does Santa say to the elves after they make the toys?

Leave my presents

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader got him for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

Why did the kids not receive presents for Christmas?

Because Rudolph intentionally grounded the team...

What did the guy without hands get for christmas?

We don't know, he hasn't opened the present yet

Why don't black people get presents for Christmas?

Because prisons don't have chimneys.

What did the girl with no arms get for Christmas?

We don't know she hasn't opened her presents yet.

How did the blind man know Santa was in his house?

He felt his presents.

What does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

sleigh-er

Why is toilet paper no good for wrapping presents?

Cos it's tear-able.

What does a child without arms get for x-mas?

gloves! nah don't know, it hasn't opened the present yet

What's the downside of being a redneck kid at Christmas?

You only get presents from one set of grandparents.

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Who brings all the good little inclined plane girls and boys presents at Christmas?

Slanta Claus.

Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas?

He was knotty.

What do you call presents after you've opened them?

Pasts

How did the townspeople react when the mayor presented them with a cost efficient, vegan protein source?

They chia'd.

How do you know when Santa's in the room?

You can sense his presents.

What kind of present did the armless boy get for Christmas?

Gloves. Jk he hasn't opened it yet!!

Why didn't the rope get any presents this year?

He was very knotty.

How could you know that?

Darth: I have felt your presents

What did Darth Vader say to Luke on his birthday?

I know what you're going to get, I felt your presents

Where does Santa get presents for bad kids?

Kohl's.

Who's there ! Census ! Census who ?

Census presents for Christmas !

How do you know when Santa Claus is nearby ?

You can feel his presents ...

Why did the rope not get any presents?

Because he was knotty.

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for christmas?

I don't know, he hasn't opened his presents yet.

What will Tesla build this christmas to help santa deliver presents?

An elf driving car

How does Snoop Dogg prepare for Christmas?

he raps his presents

Why didn't Santa give presents to any world leaders?

Because he thinks they're part of the illumi-naughty

Why do people say children are the future?

They are clearly the present. Old people are the future.

How is Santa able to carry so many presents at once?

Santa isn't real.

How did SkyMall go bankrupt?

I bought all my wife's birthday presents there before she left me.

How do you like your new teacher ?

Son: I don't. She told me to sit up the front for the present and then she didn't give me one !

Why didn't the child in the secret society get a present for christmas?

He had been illumi-naughty

Who delivers presents to the hood?

Crip Cringle.

What happened to the girl who put too many deviating data into her box plot?

In the end her spread was so large she had to present it without any whiskers.

Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas ?

Santa Jaws !

What, How is that possible!?

Vader: I felt your presents. Luke: NOOOOOOO

How could you possibly know?

Darth Vader: I felt your presents.

What is your favourite type of birthday present?

Another present!

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

Gee, I'll never part with it!

How did Darth Vader know what Luke was getting for Christmas?

He felt his presents.

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Second Jokes More Second Jokes

Why should you separate something into 62 parts if you want to make it tiny?

Because sixty-seconds=minute.

What did the Mexican Plumber call his second son?

Hose B

Chimney Jokes More Chimney Jokes

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?

Claustrophobia!

Why can't there be a Santa Pig?

Pigs don't fit in chimneys.

Wrap Jokes More Wrap Jokes

Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble?

Because it was a wrapped scallion.

What's the difference between astronomy and gastronomy?

Astronomy is about things too big to wrap your head around, while gastronomy is about things small enough to wrap your head around.

Kid Jokes More Kid Jokes

What does R. Kelly say to his kids when they do something bad?

Urine trouble

Why doesn't Barbie have any kids?

Because Ken came in another box.

Blind Man Jokes More Blind Man Jokes

How many blind men would it take to change a light bulb?

Why would a blind man need a light bulb?

What did they say about the blind man who got hit by a bus?

He never saw it coming.

Rudolph Jokes More Rudolph Jokes

What did Pinocchio say to Rudolph when he asked him what he asked for Christmas?

Quit being nosey.

What did the reindeer wear to protect itself while Santa was watering the garden?

Rudolph's red hose rain gear...

Alphabet Jokes More Alphabet Jokes

Which letter of the alphabet is the laziest?

letter G (lethargy)

Why couldn't the pirate learn the alphabet?

Because he was always lost at C!

Santa Jokes More Santa Jokes

What band does Santa listen to while delivering presents?

Slayer.

What goes "oh oh oh"?

Santa walking backwards.