Midget Jokes

What do you call a midget psychic running from the cops?

A small medium at large!

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

How can a line be both short and long?

It's a long line of midgets!

What did the doctor say to the midget waiting in the lobby?

You're just going to have to be a little patient.

Why do midgets always fight?

Short tempers.

When do you kick a midget in the balls?

When he's standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

What do you call a budget that's cut short from the middle?

A midget.

What do you call a midget hanging around a crime scene?

A little suspect

What do you call a midget with epilepsy that makes pizza?

Little Seizures...

What did the midget give her boyfriend after his concert?

A Standing Blow-vation.

When is it okay to punch a midget?

When he stands next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice.

Why did they produce a reality show about midgets?

Because they only wanted a little drama.

Couple's Daily Question Mug

5.0

Coffee Mug

What do call the two midgets who ran an impound lot?

Little Seizers

Why did the midget who drove British cars get cabin fever?

He was mini cooped up for to long.

What do a midget and a dwarf have in common?

Very little.

Why do midgets make bad parents?

Cause they struggle to put food on the table

How do you call a car designed for midgets?

Half a Romeo. I'll show myself out.

Why was the midget fired from his job?

He came up short on his register.

What's the difference between a midget and a dwarf?

Little.

Why don't midgets smoke weed?

Because they can't get high.

What do you call a midget who directs Dirty Jobs?

A Micromanager.

What do you get when you mix a monkey and a midget?

Tom Cruise

What's the difference between a women's track team and a group of midgets playing chess?

The latter is a group of cunning runts.

How many midgets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'd be surprised if you could fit two in there

When is it okay to kick a midget in the balls?

When he tells you that your wife's hair smells good.

Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony?

He kept getting in everyone's hair.

What do you call a midget with leprosy?

A leperchaun!

How did the midget feel after sleeping all night in a coffin?

A little stiff.

Who has to always be on there toes?

A midget at a urinal.

When Do You Hurt a Midget?

When He is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice!

What do you call a midget with Down Syndrome?

you call him a little slow

How did the midget feel when he found out he was retarded?

A little Down.

Why do midgets not wear tampons?

They might trip on the string.

Why don't midgets ever get accepted into nudist colonies?

They keep sticking their noses into everyone else's business.

What is 34.5?

69 for midgets

Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow?

The steaks are just too high.

What did the midget get when he ran under the strippers legs?

A flap in the face.

What's grosser than gross?

When a midget walks past and says your hair smells nice!

What do a dwarf and a midget have in common?

Very little.

What do midgets and dwarfs have in common?

Just a little

Why did the midget get slapped?

Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.

Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons?

Because they keep stepping on the string.

What do you call a midget in a subway saying, "tick...tick...tick..."?

A metro-gnome

What do you call a construction company that only employs midgets?

Clearly short handed.

What do dwarves and midgets have in common?

Very little

What do you call a midget that does cocaine?

A low blow

When is the appropriate time to kick a midget in the balls?

A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

What's the difference between a midget and black people?

A midget is a small problem. Black people are a huge problem.

What happens if you cross a midget and a computer?

A: You get a short circut.

What do you call a midget clown that juggles?

A Juggalo

What do you call a midget in a hospital waiting room constantly complaining about how long he's been waiting?

Imp-Patient!

What is a short punchy statement?

Boxing Midgets.

What do you call a midget mexican?

A paragraph since he isn't a full essay

Whats the difference between a midget and a bigot?

One is small and the Other is small minded!

What would a midget be jealous of at a little kid?

The kid is over 5 feet tall.

Why did the midget go swimming in the kitchen?

There were microwaves. Sorry I was drunk making popcorn.

What happens when a midget smokes weed?

He gets medium.

What do Dwarfs and Midgets have in common?

very little

Why did the midget get kicked out of the putt putt course?

because he wanted to play minijerkoff.

What did the police officer say to the midget complaining that someone picked his pocket?

I can't believe someone would stoop so low.

What's the best thing a midget can catch?

Air.

What's gotten into you man?

Midget: Sorry, I feel a little Sikh.

What do you call a midget in a Mental Asylum?

I don't really know, but it sounds a little crazy

Where do midget terrorists live?

Halfghanistan.

What did the cannibals do with the midget?

Put another shrimp on the barbie.

Why don't midgets like barbecues?

because the steaks are too high.

Whats the best part about sleeping with a midget?

You're sure to get a little head

What do you call a party organized by a bunch of midgets?

A little get together

What do you call a carpentry business that only hires midgets?

The Whittle Business *badum ching*

What do you call a midget with an axe?

A battle dwarf

What do you call a midget with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

When do you kick a midget in the nuts?

When he stands next to your girlfriend and says her hair smells nice.

Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?

It reads "Small medium at large."

You might also enjoy:

Read Jokes More Read Jokes

What do I do after I die?

Idk EDIT: Read the letters out loud :)

What's the best way for a lady to read 50 Shades of Grey?

To flick through it as fast as possible.

Hair Jokes More Hair Jokes

What do you call a Roman with a hair in his teeth?

Gladiator.

Why did (do?

cavemen drag their women by the hair if the dragged them by their feet they'd fill up with mud.

Smart Midget Jokes More Smart Midget Jokes

What's the difference between a smart midget... What's the difference between a smart midget and a woman with a venereal disease?

Well, one's a cunning runt...

Whats the difference between a smart midget and a venereal disease?

Ones a cunning runt...

Fight Jokes More Fight Jokes

What do you cal a man with no arms and no legs fighting with his cat?

Claude

What did Ronda Rousey's face look like after her fight with Holly Holm?

It was all broused up!

Girlfriend Jokes More Girlfriend Jokes

What should you do if your girlfriend is choking?

Back up a couple of inches.

What did the hummingbird do to his girlfriend?

He nectar!

Little Patient Jokes More Little Patient Jokes

Why don't pediatricians like to wait?

Because they have little patients.

Why do pediatricians get so frustrated?

They have very little patients.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds no wait - 13 seconds no wait - 14 seconds no wait......

Why isn't there a Jared's for boys?

Oh wait, there is.

Smell Jokes More Smell Jokes

What's do pot and pusssy have in common?

You can tell the quality if you can smell it across the room.

What is the feeling that you've smelled a certain skunk before?

Deja phew!