Hang Jokes

Where do all the funny people hang out at a party?

In the punch line

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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What's the difference between a dead baby and mistletoe?

I don't hang mistletoe at Christmas time

What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?

A: Violists.

What do you call people who hang out with musicians?

Drummers

Whats red, white, and hangs from a telephone pole?

A dead baby shot out of a snowblower.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door?

Matt. ...floating in your pool Bob. ...hanging on your wall Art. ... water skiing Skipper.

Why did Chris Benoit quit wrestling?

He wanted to hang with his family.

What did the racist surfer say when asked about hanging a black man?

Hang ten dude!!

What did the surfer say to David Carradine?

Hang tight

What do blacks and apples have in common?

If they're not being sold on a farm they're hanging from a tree. Da ho, no I didnt.

What do you call a man with no arms &amp no legs... ...hanging on the wall?

Art ...floating in the sea Bob ...laying on the floor Matt ...down in a hole Phil ...sitting in a pot Stu ...

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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What's black and white stinks and hangs from a line?

A drip dry skunk.

What's black and hanging from a tree in my backyard right now?

A black berry.

Why don't anti-vaxxers hang out in bars?

They're afraid of the shots.

Where does a zookeeper hang his laundry?

On a clothes lion.

What's the difference between a black person and Christmas lights?

Nothing. They both look good hanging from trees.

How do you know you're flying over Poland?

A: Toilet paper hanging on the clotheslines.

Why does tigger smell?

Becuase he hangs around with pooh! Had to share my 5 year olds joke..

Whatcha doing?

Me: "Going on twitter to hang out." H: "Twitter is an app, not a place." Me: *whispers venomously* "Is too a place!!"

What was the last thing Robin Williams said to his wife?

You go on to bed, I'm just going to hang here a while.

What was the preferred magazine of the bear that hung out behind the library?

Digest Readers.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, who hangs out in your pool?

Bob

What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim?

Bob. Same guy laying on the floor Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall Art. Same guy in a mailbox Bill.

How's it hanging?

I'm not sorry.

What did the people who hung Jesus to the cross say?

Nailed it

What is your emergency?

Me: I love you. 911: Hang up. Me: No you hang up. 911: Stop. Me: This is so us.

What is the difference between Jesus and a painting?

You only need a nail to hang a painting.

What do you call a mushroom with a 12 in stem?

A fungi to hang out with

What do you call a girl hanging from a basketball rim?

Annette

Why do black people despise environmental studies?

A:Cause they always get hung up on trees.

How does a Mathematician hang them selves?

With a hypotenuse.

What do you call a lump of coal and a diamond hanging out together?

Carbon Dating.

Where do monkeys hang out?

At the monkey bars.

What do you call someone who spends the whole time on their phone whenever you hang out?

A phoney friend!

Why were all the ladies attracted to Jesus?

Because he was hung like this. (Hold your arms out wide)

What's pink, wrinkly and hangs out my underpants?

My mother.

What did the lightning bolt say to the old oak tree?

Hang onto your bark this will be no ordinary spark

What's white and sticky?

What's white and sticky and hangs from the clouds . The second coming of the Lord

What did the tie say to the neck?

I think I'll just hang around.

Why is the mens bathroom such an angry place?

It's where all the pricks hang out.

How do you keep black people out of your back yard?

Hang one in the front!

Where do the bacteria gangsters hang out?

On the Yeast Side.

Why do straight white girls always hang out in odd numbers?

Because they literally can't even Like. Omg.

Why are bananas never lonely?

Because they hang around in bunches.

What do you call 2 guys hanging on the wall around a window?

Kurt and Rod.

What does a suicidal person say while leaving a party?

I want to hang by myself for a bit. Edit: Not suicidal. Just gallows humor.

Why do all the ladies love Jesus?

spreads out arms to fullest length) Because he was hung like this.

Where do Orcish cows go to hang out?

Moooooooo*rdor.

Where did they hang Speedy Gonzalez?

At the pico de gallows.

What did the hail storm say to the roof?

Hang onto your shingles this will be no ordinary sprinkles

Why is that bear hanging out in the bar?

ME: He's a well known, gimmick. IAN: Really ME: That's Conan. Conan The Bar Bear, Ian.

What kind of spy hangs out in department stores?

A: A counter spy.

Why didn't they punish the student who hung himself?

He was already suspended.

Why are spiders so unproductive?

Because they hang out on the web all day!

Why are bats blind?

Well your eyesight wouldn't be too good if you hung upside down all day would it

What's it called when a hippy hangs himself?

Tie-die

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out your undies?

Your grandma.

Why did the scientist regret naming the organism "Fungus"?

Because after they hung out Gus was actually a pretty boring guy.

What do you call a snake that always hangs around its mom?

A momma's boa.

What do you call those people who follow musicians around and try to hang with them after the show?

Drummers.

What's your emergency, sir?

Me: I'm being taken away by ducks! I'm being- 911: Please don't do this, sir M: AbDUCKted! 911: *hangs up*

Why did the blonde go to church?

B/c she heard there was a guy hung like this(https://riverchurchtelford.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/jesus.jpg)

Where do criminal spiders hang out?

The deep web

Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy &amp z hate hanging out with the letter n?

Because n always has to be the center of attention.

How are you doing this morning?

Me: *finishing hanging bag of coffee upside down like an IV and tying my arm off* Fine, you

How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?

The picture doesn't scream when you hang it.

Why wasn't Jesus any good at math?

Because he always seemed to get hung up on addition.

Why does the KKK like christmas?

Because it's the one day that they have an excuse to hang coloured balls from trees.

What is your location?

Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up

What is red and hangs around trees?

A baby hit by a snow blower

Why do gingers hang out with black people?

Because gingers have no soul, and black people have too much!

What did the scarf say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I am going to hang around a bit longer.

What do you get hanging from Apple trees?

Sore arms.

Why did the burglar hang his mugshot on the wall?

To prove that he was framed!

Why do valley girls hang out in odd numbered groups?

Because they can't even.

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