Fart Jokes

Poop: Please don't push. It's already tight in here! Poop to Pee: May I go first? Meanwhile, Fart pushing everyone to the sides.. Fart: Excuse me! Excuse me! I need to go!

What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning?

A midnight snack A hot Breakfast

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What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A Private Tutor.

What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?

A private tooter

How's a fart and a teenager alike?

Because once you go to sleep, you can't trust either of them to not sneak out.

Why the rabbits love Selena Gomez?

im farting carrots, im farting carrots...

What is a burp?

A fart taking the elevator.

Why should've Christians chosen farts over bread?

It's more fun to break wind

What cuts four farts in the morning, two farts at midday, and three farts in the evening?

A sphinxter.

What happens when Supper stars fart in public?

lol

How to spot the toughest guy in jail?

He still has some whistle left in his fart.

How are farts and Ancient Egypt similar?

They both have a Tutankhamun.

What do you call a fart from an Egyptian stranger?

Toot uncommon

What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

A tooter. (thanks, honey)

What's the sharpest thing in the word?

A fart. It goes right through your pants and doesn't leave a hole.

What's the difference between a freezer and a faget?

When you pull your meet out of a freezer it doesn't fart

What's the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It goes through your pants without even making a hole.

What do you call a fart from a paraplegic?

Inert gas.

What do you call someone who never farts in public?

A PRIVATE TUTOR

How does Justin Bieber remove a condom?

He farts.

What thought can you easily share with someone else without using words?

That you to fart.

What do you call a computer that farts?

A compooter. 8D

Why didn't anyone react when the king farted?

Because it was a noble gas

What is it called when a prairie dog sees its shadow?

Total Eclipse of a Fart

Why do men fart more than women?

Because women won't shut up long enough to build up the pressure.

What do you call a person who farts in private?

A private tutor

Who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor :)

What do you call two Egyptians who've farted at the same time?

Tutankhamun.

Why can't you fart in an apple car?

It doesn't have windows.

Why did the dragon go to jail for farting?

Arse-on. **Cough Cough** I'll see my way out.

Why did God make farts smell?

So that deaf people could enjoy them too.

Why do people buy fruit already cut up?

There's only like 7 things in life easier than cutting up fruit and one of them is farting.

What if my baby doesn't make ultra sounds?

What if it's just farting noises Is it graded on a curve

Why wouldn't the teacher fart in public?

Because she was a private tutor

How do you know a woman is wearing tights?

Her knees swell up when she farts.

Why is the dog man's best friend?

He has to have someone to blame the farts on.

Why don't women fart?

They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure.

What is the sharpest thing in the world?

A fart. It will cut through your pants and not even leave a hole.

Who farted?

Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.

What's the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it

Who ordered the farts?

Then, fart.

What do you get when you fart on your wallet?

Gas money

How does Justin Beiber remove a condom?

He farts.

What do you call it when a king rips a fart?

Air to the throne.

Why do farts stink?

So the deaf can enjoy them too.

What did one Egyptian say to the other Egyptian after they both farted?

Hey we have a toot in common.

What Happens when you fart in church?

You sit in your own pew

What do you call a person who teaches you the art of farting?

A tooter

Why did the skeleton burp in the church ?

He didn't have the guts to fart

How does a blacksmith know you farted?

He smelt it

What do you call a guy who does not fart in public?

A private tutor.

What does the US military and a fart have in common?

Air Force

What do farts and children have in common?

You love your own, but hate everyone else's.

Which Russian leader is always farting?

Putin

Why little girls can't fart Do you know why little girls can't fart?

Because they don't get a**holes until they get married.

What was the question?

Son: "Who's farted"

What did the farting pharaoh say to the farting slave?

We only have a Toot in common.

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Breakfast Jokes More Breakfast Jokes

What did the abortionist have for breakfast?

Scrambled eggs =p

What does a duck like to have for breakfast?

Quacker Oats

Push Jokes More Push Jokes

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

A Penguin rolling down a hill What's black and white and laughing The penguin who pushed him

What are you doing today?

2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure ' 2: 'I'm definite'.

Snack Jokes More Snack Jokes

How do programmers like their snacks?

Byte-sized.

How much longer?

Did you bring any snacks They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

Church Jokes More Church Jokes

What's the difference between snow tires and slaves?

Slaves sing when chains are put on them. PS - im going to church today to beg for forgiveness

What's the difference between a church bell & a church?

A church bell peals from the steeple.

Sound Jokes More Sound Jokes

What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom?

Nothing, the pee is silent

What did the car-painter say to the carpenter?

You sound just like me!"

Shart Jokes More Shart Jokes

Where are the best sounding farts listed?

Sharts.

What do you call a shart?

Woopsie Poopsie :)

Love Jokes More Love Jokes

Why did you make women so beautiful?

God:"So you would love her." Man:"Then why did you make her so dumb " God:"So she would love you."

How does a blonde turn on the light after making love?

Opens the car door.

Midnight Jokes More Midnight Jokes

What do you call a ghost at midnight?

A sheet in the dark!

What's the best way to hunt for deer?

Driving at midnight.