Mexican Jokes

What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a child molester?

Alien vs Predator

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How did the Mexican greet people in Hawaii?

Ahola.

What do you call an Asian girl with Mexican parents?

Juana Sum Peeksa.

What's the difference between a tea cup and pea cup?

A teacup is what the British drink out of and a pea cup is what the Mexicans drive.

What do you call a group of Mexicans doing work?

Manuel labour.

Why did the Mexican army attack the Alamo with only 2000 soldiers?

they only had one pickup

What do you call an environmentally-conscious Mexican?

A Green Bean

Why'd the Mexican cross the road?

He took the chicken's job.

What does the arabs put in their Mexican food??

Allah-peos

How does a Mexican build a house?

Juan nail at a time.

What do you call a mexican protein?

Amigo Acid

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Why did the 14 year old Mexican girl end up pregnant?

Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

What do you call the Mexican version of the NSA?

Jalapeno Business...........

What'd the Mexican say when he was upset?

I don't want to taco bout it.

What do you call a Mexican that can't cross the border?

A Mexi

What's the difference between a Mexican and an elevator?

An elevator can raise a family I'll just see myself out.

What do you call it when two Mexicans were in a car accident and one had both legs amputated?

Juan and a half

Why do people hate playing uno with Mexicans?

They keep stealing green cards.

How do Mexican peanuts tell time?

cacawatches

What's more illegal than marijuana?

My Mexican neighbor

Why does the Mexican Olympic team always do so badly?

Because anyone who can swim, run, or climb is already in America.

What's the difference between Jesus and a Mexican?

Jesus didn't have a bunch of tattoos of a Mexican...

What do you call a Mexican crossed with an octopus?

I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce.

How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, that's a Mexican's job.

What do you call a Mexican child?

A paragraph, because he isn't yet an se.

What did the Mexican put under his carpet?

Underlay! Underlay!

What's the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick's day?

Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican?

Because they'll steal all the green cards.

Why did the crazy Mexican conductor get convicted for a crime?

because he had Loco-Motive.

How many Mexicans do you need working in the kitchen?

Just Juan.

Why did the Mexican try to wear his taco?

He was dyslexic.

Why did the forgetful Mexican cross the road?

To get to the other side... err, no it was to pick up the laundry... nope, to get groceries? I forget.

Why do Mexicans cross the border alone?

Because there can only be Juan.

What's the first place Dora explored?

The mexican border.

Why were there 600 Mexicans at the Alamo?

They only had 2 cars.

Why are Mexicans bad at UNO?

They steal all the green cards.

What's the difference between Jesus and a bunch of Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have a bunch of Mexicans tattooed all over himself.

What did Jesus say to the Mexicans?

Don't do anything until I get back

Why are there no mexican in the olympics?

Because any Mexican that can run, jump or swim is in america!

What's a Mexican's favorite candy bar?

A payday

How long does it take to for Mexicans to do a job?

Oh, wait they're done.

Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at The Alamo?

They only had 4 cars.

What do you call a Mexican that won't get on a scale?

A no weigh Jose.

How can you tell if a Mexican is feeling sad?

They're wearing a SOMBERERO

What do you call a bunch of high Mexicans?

Baked Beans

Whats the difference between Jesus and Mexicans?

Jesus doesn't have Mexicans tattooed all over him.

Why can you not play UNO with mexicans?

They take all the green cards.

Why did the Mexican school girl get pregnant?

Here teacher said to go home and do her "essay".

What do you get when you cross a mexican, a queer, and an eskimo?

A snow-blower that doesn't work.

What do you call a Mexican who has his Mondeo stolen?

Carlos

What did the Mexican say with one sleeve rolled up and one sleeve not?

Not even, homes

Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?

Because the beans keep falling through the grill.

What do bricks and Latinas have in common?

They both get laid by Mexicans...

Why do you never see Mexicans with acne?

They keep slipping off.

What did the mexican boy say to his mom after he mopped the floors and found his brother?

I've cleaned up and found Jesus.

Why don't you play UNO with a Mexican?

Because they steal all the green cards

What do you call a Mexican Miget?

A paragraph Cause he's to small to be an ess

What do you call rich Mexicans?

The Juan percent.

What did the Mexican Firefighter name his two children?

Jose and Hose B

What did the mexican say when a development fell on him?

yo get off me, homes!

What did the mexican get on his SAT's?

Taco crumbs

What do you call a Mexican Buddhist?

Om-bre

What is a Mexican's favorite bookstore?

Borders

What do you call a mexican hitchhiker?

El Paso

What Is The Best Boxing A Mexican Does?

A: Oranges.

What are the first 3 words in every authentic Mexican recipe?

Steal a chicken

What do you call a Mexican with a vasectomy?

A dry martinez.

What did David Crockett say when he looked over the Alamo wall and saw 3000 Mexicans?

Hey I didn't know we were pouring concrete today.

What do you call mexicans who are stoned?

Baked beans.

What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and an autonomous robot...?

Nothing... they were both made to steal American jobs.

What do you call a group of Mexicans smoking weed?

Baked beans

What do you call a Mexican that flies a plane?

A pilot, you racist!

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican?

A Mexican't

What do you call... What do you call four mexicans standing in quicksand?

Cuatros Cincos

What do you call a Mexican knockoff burger restaurant?

Carlos Jr.

What do you call a Mexican in quick sand?

Quatro Sinko

What's the funniest type of Mexican food?

Fajitahahahas

What do you call a little Mexican child?

A paragraph, because he's too short to be an essay.

What did the Mexican family get for Christmas?

Deported

Which dessert did Darth Vader order in the Mexican restaurant?

Helado oscuro!

What do you get when a Mexican and Muslim have a child?

A kid who loves halalpenos

How many mexicans do you need to screw a lightbulb?

Juan

What do a load of bricks and a 300 lb woman have in common?

At some point they'll both be laid by a Mexican.

What does DJ Khaled call his mexican friends?

Another Juan

What do you get when you shoot a Mexican golfer?

A hole in Juan

What did the Mexican shopkeeper say to the thief?

That's Nachos.

Why don't mexicans have barbeques?

the beans keep slipping through the grill.

How is that racist?

I said I wasn't racist. You never listen. Typical Mexican.

What do you call it when the women in the back of a mexican brothel talk after working all night?

Whorechata. Probably my best original, lemme know what you think.

Why don't the Mexicans have an olympics team?

Because anybody who can run jump or swim is in the States.

What do you kiss on a Mexican dish that will trigger the end of the world?

El Taco Lips.

How do Mexicans keep their food warm?

Chicken Fajitas.

What kind of flooring does a Mexican fit?

Underlay! Underlay!

What does a desperate Mexican do?

Bangs his head against the wall.

What do Mexicans use with the Wii-U?

Amiigo

What did the Mexican say to his dirty friend?

Hey Messe

What do you call five Mexicans drowning at the bottom of their pool?

Cinco.

What do salads and Mexicans have in common ?

They both benefit America!

How do you bury a hundred Mexicans?

In a casket.

What do a 275lb white lady and a 275lb cinder block have in common?

A Mexican is going to lay them one day

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Alley Jokes More Alley Jokes

What travels down an alley and is full of holes?

Batman's Parents.

What travels down an alley and has holes in it?

A bowling ball. Or Bruce Wayne's parents.

Big Problem Jokes More Big Problem Jokes

What do you think is the biggest problem in Germany?

Uncertainty or indifference ' He answered: I don't know and I don't care!'

What's a bigger problem, ignorance or apathy?

I don't know and i don't care.

Solution Jokes More Solution Jokes

What do you call a terrorist on the moon?

A problem. What do you call when 3 terrorists are on the moon? A problem. What do you call when all the terrorists are on the moon? A solution.

Why when you spill red wine on a carpet do you take the stain out with white wine?

Because more alcohol is the solution to all problems.

Tell Jokes More Tell Jokes

Why did the Chinese man tell a joke?

Just China be funny.

How can you tell that microchips are made in the US and not the UK?

Because if they were made in the UK they would be called microcrisps.

Know Jokes More Know Jokes

How do we know God is not a woman?

Because the Earth is not a sandwich!

How do I know?

They have already told everybody about 6 times in 5 minutes

Difference Jokes More Difference Jokes

What's the difference between Kung-Fu and Judo?

One is the ancient art of self defense. The other is what you make bagels out of.

What's the difference between feminists and a pencil?

A pencil has a point.

France Jokes More France Jokes

What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a bathroom in France?

Linoleum Blownapart

Why are the streets of France lined with trees?

So the Germans can march in the shade.

Play Jokes More Play Jokes

What were Luke Skywalker's favourite model cars to play with as a kid?

Toyodas

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?

Too many cheetahs.