I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."
Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
Coffee Mug
Kids say the darnedest things.
Bye, son."
wait for it ... wait for it ...) brucilage !!!!!!!!
I feel like a kid again
Her kids couldn't see her anymore, she was a trans-parent.
He could never hit his kids.
Get in the carrrrrrrrrrrr!
He can't get to 3rd base
A real hootenanny!
The kid is over 5 feet tall.
Couple's Daily Question Mug
They're both hoping for nine inches, but will be happy enough with five.
demanded the officer. "No Officer, it's "Hi, how are you "." replied the kid.
Molest them
Don't talk with someone in your mouth.
Running Stupid
Just planning ahead...
4: Trenton said his dad likes to go outside and fight lions - laughs - oh honey - nobody would name their kid Trenton
And elevator can raise kids
Names
I dunno, ask the Kids.
More kids tripping in lab coats
Kid: "Sorry," I think
Ice cubes.
Gloves. Ha! Just kidding, I don't know what he got, he hasn't opened it yet.
Bring Your Kid to Work Day
I guess she is trans parent now Edit: *through
A van picks up kids. A minivan picks up your kids
Jose and Hose-B
The first one usually gets screwed up.
you don't know what to say until you wife reply's (idk go ask you dad.) what do you say My little joke
A elevator can raise a kid
DUCK!" How do you get a kid up and running "GOOSE!"
To teach their kids how to walk.
Ask Jozsef Barsi.
They wanted to see it crack up!
A drawer won't scream when I force my junk into it.
Elderly me: I made my kids steak instead of hot dogs. Him: *gasps* You monster.
that will be an extra $50."
Matt.
Mumbai
On their fingers
Because 30 is too many!
Q*berty. (my kids wrote this!)
he asked. I said, "they're still together."
points to dead cactus*
Because when they are kids their mothers always tell them: "If you grow up you have to work" *Translated from italian hope it makes as much sense as there
Three men in a house with dirty dishes in the sink, laundry that needs to be folded and kids that need a bath
A: Nothing. But he promised he'd make it up to them on the next one.
a migraine
Yellow in the front, brown in the back.
Woman: We wanted to wait until the kids were dead.
Naughty pine
Either way, they're going down in history.
Kid:Don't poop your pants M:I was gonna say "have fun" but...OK.
My son's 10 years... hold on... OFF THE COUCH! brb... convulsing.
new gloves for the cold days
You feed the kids, I'll feed the fishes."
Moussaka
One kid in three trash cans
people without kids "Do you have to poop " -people with kids
Because there was a 50% chance of rain
Storms off w/ his son, Kegger
Because they always turn out in-bread.
I dunno. Ask the kids.
Baby cedar
Calm down... I'm not talking about MY kid. I know how hard to punch her. I'm her mother.
I shot him Why did the second kid fall out I stapled them together Why did the third kid fall out Peer pressure
Me: The kids gave me this *holds up Dad Is #1 mug* W: That's sweet H: Sweet They think I'm pee!
brothel sprouts!
To give their kids a wide birth.
Zoolander
Please answer before my wife gets home!
Gloves ... Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet Knock, knock Who is it Not Michael
Names.
A "Chigga" (i'm not a racist, but this made me laugh for long enough to post it here. Please don't get triggered)
Are you kidding They won't even change a five dollar bill."
T: How's my kid doing in school I hate parrot teacher conferences
one is plastic and dangerous for your kids to play with, the other holds your groceries
Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid.
Grandparents.
Just kidding, I ran over it.
I call it a picnic. It's a meal but outside with bugs and a high risk of bear attack." "Can I bring my kids " "Sure."
When your kid sleeps in between.
All the black ones are accidentals.
Me: So our pig can't have babies 6: How do you know she doesn't want babies Me:*looks at my kids* Just a hunch
They don't like their vegetables.
Just kidding, just wanted to rile a few people up. But if you want to have a punchline contest, feel free.
Uno, dos, tres, cuatro, cinco, cinco, seis.
Toyodas
His mother told him to hit the hay.
Me: You really aren't my kid are you
Kids: EGGS! BACON! WAFFLES! CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCAKES! Me: Let me rephrase. Who wants toast
Doesnt matter, he'll never unwrap the gift
I injected my kid with yeast and put him in the oven for 30 minutes but he didn't rise. Any suggestions
Kid: My dad He's an actor Me: Why Couldn't you get a real dad
KID: We built a generator out of sticks and mud MOM: A generator For what KID: To charge our iPods
Kid: At the Joke shop.
Your domain or mine
Kohl's.
Me: Probably through my credit card. 5: what Me: what
Peer pressure
Because he was drunk Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? He was tied to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer Pressure
A pitbull returning from a playground.
To get to the other slide.
A: So the violists don't need to be retrained.
A lightsabre
Hawaii Where's that -Jamaica Daddy where was I -You weren't born Why's the folder called 'Good Ole Days'
Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS! !
It's Minute Made
You are my MSB.
Because he kept insisting everyone only get one shot.
With the mechanic, there's a shot something might get fixed...
