Kind Jokes

What kind of currency do astronauts use in space?

Starbucks

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What kind of cars do shellfish drive?

Mussel cars.

What kind of boats do smart people ride on?

Scholar ships!

What kind... What kind of vitamins pirates take?

Vitamin "D".

What kind of bird opens doors ?

A kiwi !

What kind of bikes do girls ride?

Menstrual Cycles (I'm 99% sure I made this up!)

What kind of musical instrument can you use for fishing?

The cast-a-net.

What kind of sweets do trucks like?

Lorrypops.

What kind of tape do kidnappers use?

abDUCT tape

What kind of math do owls like?

Second Caribou: Owlgebra.

What kind of rodent DDOS attacks Al Queda's Twitter account?

An anonimouse

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What kind of pants do you buy for your pet Chihuahua?

Shorts!

What kind of pizza did they order on nine eleven?

2 large planes

What kind of bread always goes wrong?

A rye

What do you mean you're not going to spank me?

I mouthed off and everything. What kind of man are you

What kind of book does an Irish cultist read?

The Leprenomichaun.

What kind of people are always in a damn hurry?

Russians

What kind of money does Mario use?

8-bitcoins

What kind of sharks make good carpenters?

Hammerheads!

What kind of fun does a priest have?

Nun.

What kind of aids he got?

Financial aids ! !

What kind of cereal do zombies like?

Kellog's All Brain

What kind of bar do fish go to?

A sand bar.

What kind of house does cheese like to live in?

A cottage"

What kind of hair do oceans have?

Wavy hair.

What kind of dish does LeBron like?

anything with curry in it.

What kind of bird can write?

A penguin.

What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head?

A super-fish-oil wound

What kind of cigars does Baby Jesus smoke?

Mmmph!) Meek &amp Milds!!!! :0

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals... I'll show myself out - thank you

What kind of martial arts do birds practice?

Wing Chun

What kind of dog is the most colorful?

A paint Bernard!

What kind of jokes do filipinos make?

Punny ones

What kind of flower grows on your face?

A: Tulips.

What kind of stretches does a pencil do?

Ticondeyoga

What kind of body do you want to have?

ME: *leans in close* I'd prefer human

What kind of undergarments do mermaids wear?

An algebra

What kind of back problem did the terrorist have?

Scoli-isis

What kind of medicine do bears take?

Bayer Asprin

What kind of code does a volcano use to make its website?

HTMelt

What kind of subreddit dedicates itself to darkness and shadows?

No it is not r/shadow removed

What kind of ring is the least exciting?

A BOring

What kind of snake is useful on your windscreen ?

A viper !

What kind of donuts did Bob Marley prefer?

The ones with Jam in

What kind of bee can never be understood?

A mumble-bee.

What kind of luggage does a vulture bring on a plane?

Carrion.

What kind of music do you like?

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan"

What Kind of Motorcycles do Lesbians ride?

Chowasaki. - Pat H.

What kind of car did the German cowboy purchase?

Audi *tips hat*

What kind of currency do they use in space?

Starbucks

What kind of goat did Houdini have?

A scapegoat.

What kind of money do religious businesses make?

Prophet.

What kind of cheese?

Me: "American..." Her: "Want it toasted " Me: "I'll just make it myself."

What kind of horse has trouble keeping track of his Macintosh?

An Appaloosa!

What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on?

A Perch!

What kind of ears do trains have?

Engineers (engine ears).

What kind of street does a ghost like best?

A dead end.

What kind of skeleton are you?

An XO skeleton"

What kind of pizza does Buddha like?

One with everything.

What kind of water do ducks drink?

Bottled Waddle.

What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ?

Jail-birds !

What kind of shark is always drunk?

A hammeredhead

What kinds of jokes do cats play on each other?

Purranks.

What kind of car drives over water?

Any kind of car if it goes over a bridge.

What kind of drugs to frogs take?

methamphibians.

What kind of cell phone reception do astronauts get on the moon?

1/6 G My 8 year old son came up with this one.

Why kind of motorcycles do cows ride?

Mooooootorcycles!

What kind of ears do pumpers have?

A. Engineers.

What kind of overalls does Super Mario wear?

denim denim denim...

What kind of furniture do pigs like best?

Overstuffed.

What kind of people like Scottie's hair?

Chubby 7th grade girls!

What kind of tie is best to wear in a fight?

Muay Thai

What kind of bathroom does Napoleon use?

A Waterloo

What kind of memes do Germans like?

Danke memes

What kind of weed do muslims smoke?

Quranic

Who's there ! Chloe ! Chloe who ?

Chloe's Encounters of the Third Kind !

What did the Morman say when asked what kind of wives he wanted?

Brigham Young"

What kind of noise annoys an oyster ?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)

What kind of laptop calls you a thousand times?

A dell

What kind of insects to secret agents like?

as told by my 9 yr old) Spiders.

What kind of underwear does John Grisham use?

Pelican Briefs I'll go find a bridge

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderwear.

What kind of dog is this?

Well actu.." "Hes cute" *pets it* "Sir thats my.." *picks it up* "Your a good dog arent you " "PUT MY SON DOWN"

What kind of genie only grants wishes to men?

A misogenie.

What kind of vehicle did they use to transport prisoners to concentration camps during the holocaust?

Ju-Haul

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

What kind of martial art does a chef do?

Kung food (Don't hurt me, I know it's bad)

What kind of ant is good at maths ?

An accountant !

What kind of shampoo do people with Down Syndrome use?

Tresemme 21

What kind of a joke does a black person not get?

Dadjokes

What kind of baseball do burgers play?

Ketchup baseball!

What kind of batteries does a Harvard undergrad use?

AAA

What kind of cheese do you use to entice a bear down from a tree?

Camembert!

What kind of girl does a hamburger like?

Any girl named Patty!

What kind of tea do the crime investigation team drink?

A "casual tea"

What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms?

Tuna (2Na).

What kinds of clothes do protons wear?

Plus sizes!

What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?

A short one!

What kind of a pitch did Sandy Koufax of the old Burger-lyn Dodgers have?

A fastball - a sizzler.

What kind of bears don't have teeth?

Gummi bears. )

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Dog Jokes More Dog Jokes

What do you get when you cross a philosopher, an insomniac and a dyslexic?

A guy who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog. Infinite Jest, by DFW

Why did the dog say he was an actor?

His leg was in a cast.

Bridge Jokes More Bridge Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the bridge?

To get away from the Turkey coop.

Why did the mexican push his wife over the bridge?

Tequila"

Pirate Jokes More Pirate Jokes

What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire?

Arrr son!

How much did the pirate spend on his earings?

A buck an ear.

Cruise Jokes More Cruise Jokes

Why is it that you never see a black person on a cruise?

They're not falling for that one again..

What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday?

Cruising on a clipper.

Toilet Paper Jokes More Toilet Paper Jokes

What's the difference between toilet paper and a hand towel?

So you're the one!

Why do you take toilet paper to the twilight zone?

DODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODODO

Mickey Mouse Jokes More Mickey Mouse Jokes

Why did Mickey Mouse take a trip into space ?

He wanted to find Pluto !

What does Mickey Mouse do to Minnie Mouse after she drowns and he pulls her out of the water?

Mouse to Mouse resuscitation.

Jesus Jokes More Jesus Jokes

What did God say to Jesus?

This lawn ain't gonna mow itself.

What was Jesus' reaction to being crucified?

He was cross.

Different Kind Jokes More Different Kind Jokes

Why does Germany have so many different kinds of bread?

Well, we had to do something with the ovens.

How many different kinds of crabs can you get in Baltimore?

Two, and often from the same person.