Watch Jokes

What do elephants do in the evenings ?

Watch elevision !

Couple's Daily Question Mug

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Why were they called the dark ages?

Because there were so many knights! Credit: watching Mr. D on Netflix

What do vegetables watch when they're horny?

Corn

This joke may have profanity.

Why don't women need a watch?

There's a clock on the stove.

What is the difference between the people in Dubai &amp?

the people in Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Do!

What's the difference between real life Friends and the cast of the show Friends?

The ability to binge watch Friends with your friends.

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couples fight and read high quality humor columns?

A: To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

What are you watching?

Our wedding video."

How did the executioner learn about knots?

By watching the noose.

Why aren't kids under the age of 18 allowed to watch videos about duck calls without the consent of a parent?

Because they contain a lot of fowl language.

Whats happening?

FB=Whats on your mind FourSquare= Where am I Quora=what Youtube=What Im watching. LinkedIn=Whats in it for me

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

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Why did John Snow get an iPhone?

For the watch.

What do you call feeling bad about watching lame reality TV shows?

Survivor guilt.

What Do you call 20 Millionaires watching the Superbowl?

The Dallas Cowboys

Where would an eccentric beverage go if it wanted to watch married couplesfight and read high quality humor columns?

To the Drink Quirks Wed Fight.

Where are you?

I said to watch him like a hawk! ME: soaring 20m above w/ a beakful of mice I AM

How do crows know what time is it?

They have the knights watch .

How do you make Ben Carson yell?

Watch a movie with him.

What Is The Best Sub Reddit To See Once Watching "Gods Of Egypt?

r/EyeBleach.

Why was Jon Snow looking for an iWatch charger?

Because now his watch has ended.

Why don't tornadoes watch Bill O'Reilly on FOXNEWS?

It is a no spin zone

Who else is watching and laughing their a$$ off?

Turns out Martha Stewart is a boss

Who's winning Went to visit my Granddad. He was watching a basketball game. "What's the score Gramps?

92 to 86." "Who's winning " I asked. "92"

Why did Jon Snow go to The Apple Store?

For the Watch.

What do you call someone who only watches Horror Anime?

A Ouijaboo.

Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL?

Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.

What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th?

Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

How do Russians watch online movies?

Nyetflix!

What was wrriten on a sign at the entrance of a gas chamber in the Holocaust?

Watch your step

Whats the hardest part of watching an Orphanage burn?

Not getting hard.

What do you get when you watch a lumberjack chop down a tree?

bored. haha

What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon?

ARE YE READY KIDS !

What gets bigger each time I watch a stripper?

My debt.

Why did the man throw his watch out the window?

He wanted to see time fly!

What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common?

The government will watch you for the next 15+ years

Why would you stay friends with an ex-girlfriend?

When you get fired from a job, you don't stay around and watch other people do your job.

Why's the couch smell like pee?

Flashback to me watching The Ring alone Me: *points at son* I think someone had another "accident."

What do ghosts watch if they want to relax?

Skelly-vision!

What did the horse say to whinnie the pooh while watching his t.v. show?

I wish I could hear you whinnie.

What do you call black men working while white men watch?

Slav-The NBA

Where is the remote?

All the way over there." "Guess I'm watching this."

What's the first rule of bug ownership?

Watch your step!

What do you call a cat who watches dirty movies?

A purrvert.

How long does it take To microwave a baby?

I'm too busy jerking of to watch a timer.

What do you get if you watch the Blind Side backwards?

Oher's NFL career

What do you call a dog wearing a watch?

You would call it a dog. A dog wearing a watch is not a watchdog.

What game are you watching?

I wonder what she thought I was doing with my hands.

What do you get when you cross an idiot with a watch?

A cuckoo clock.

What do you get when you watch Cinderella backwards?

You see a woman learn her place.

When you have the choice between cleaning the bath or doing some sport... which series do you watch ?

What's the difference between a suicidal ghost hunter and a weaboo alcohol taster?

One drinks bleach and watches spirits the other drinks spirits and watches Bleach.

What does Bjork do when she's horny?

A: She watches pjorn.

This joke may have profanity.

Why do you have 0 viewers on Twitch?

Because not even Nightbot is watching you.

What do you call Rowan Atkinson watching Monty Python?

A jellybean.

Why are there commentators for televised sports?

We can figure out what's going on live, but can't while watching it on tv

What do you do to relax?

I enjoy people watching. - The most relaxing thing for me is singing in the shower. - I know.

Why don't women need watches?

There's a clock on the stove.

How do people in Iowa get elections?

By watching corn!

What kind of movie do mathematicians most often watch?

rated movies

Who can watch an R rated movie but not a PG?

Batman

Why did the architect have his house made backwards?

So he could watch the football

What's the difference between my bike and your mom?

Your dad doesn't watch when I ride my bike.

Why did Jon snow stand in line at the Apple store?

For the watch!

What do you call a group of zombies watching The Sixth Sense while on a cruise?

High Seas Dead People

Why does a rooster watch TV ?

For hentertainment !

What's difference between Abu Dhabi and Dubai?

People in Dubai don't watch The Flintstones But people in Abu Dhabi Do!!

How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?

Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"

How Dave Grohl spent his night in his hotel room after the concert in Gothenburg, Sweden?

He watched movie Cast Away (starring Tom Hanks) and ate some potato chips.

What do you mean I can't identify as a television?

Just watch me!

Why did the traitor wear two watches?

Because he's a two timer.

How many dwarfs does take to change a light bulb?

It can vary, but It's quite hilarious to watch.

How does the Pirate watch his movie?

He PIRATES them off line. (Or torrents them off Pirates Bay) =)

Why were Wrigley, Doublemint, and Orbit watching CNN?

To find out the latest on gum control legislation.

What's the motto of the Singaporean police?

Big Brudder is watching you

What are your desires?

Me: My desires are..imagines having a talking Pug named Maurice that I watch Netflix with...Unconventional.

What has eight legs and an IQ of forty?

Four guys watching a baseball game.

What kind of watch does Germs Bond wear?

An Amoeba.

How about some snappy one-liners?

Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.

Why did the pervert like to watch girls in their entrance hallways?

He was a foyer.

Whatcha watching?

Me: Tiny Houses. 9: Wow it's tiny! Who's gonna live there Me: Two people. 9: Are they married Me: Not for long.

What did the cat do when he didn't want to watch the movie?

He paws-ed it!

What were the Kamikaze Pilot's last words?

Watch this cause i'll only do it once."

How do you know if someone doesn't like Football and isn't going to watch the Super Bowl?

They'll tell you

What did my roommate say when I asked him if he wanted to watch the movie The usual Suspects?

Is it about black people

Why are you watching Thatcher's funeral?

Mum: "Just to make sure"

When did this happen ?

a) I don't know he also stole my watch.

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile?

Two. One to launch it one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

What TV station do bees watch ?

Bee bee c one!

Who'd win if Batman fought Santa?

Before u say Batman, just remember who's watching you answer.

Where do angles go for fun on the weekends?

To watch movies in the THETA

What are the famous last words of a redneck?

Hey ya'll, watch this!"

What kind of trees watch kids in Mexico?

Baby cedar

What Do the Joker and 60,000,000 people have in common?

They just wanna watch the world burn

How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?

A: Three. One to screw it in one to watch and one to shoot the witness.

What did the German watch repairer say to his watch that would only go tick, tick, tick?

A: "Ve have vays of making you tock!"

What happens when you stick your hand into a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch and the yellow ones paint your nails.

What kind of watch is best for people who don't like time on their hands?

A pocket watch.

Who isn't allowed to watch PG movies?

Orphans.

What's better than watching a woman wrestle?

Seeing her box.

What's a sailor's favorite thing to watch at sunset?

Knot movies

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