Happen Jokes

Moo." What did the cow saw when she fell into a ditch? "Moo." What did the cow say when she fell onto the electric fence? "Moo." What did the cow say when she got hit by a train? "Why does everything always happen to meeee?" Protip: My dad wrote this joke for me when I was six.

What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave?

Everyone started partying like it was $19.99.

What happened to the boy-band member who dropped the soap In the prison shower?

Let's just say that his backstreet went more than one direction.

What happened to the tree after it caught fire?

It became entally handicapped

What Happened to the Man who Threw a Flaming Bag of Poo?

He got turd degree burns.

What happens when you combine alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What happens to me when I die?

Idk. (I decay)

What happens when I die?

Idk...

What happens when someone mixes Francium, Oxygen, Tungsten, and Nitrogen after it explodes?

The chemist may frown.

What happened to the Italian chef when he died?

He .

What happened to the road?

Depressions.

What happens to a bacteria when he travels from his home colony to another?

He experiences culture shock.

How did Chernobyl disaster happen ?

scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing.

What happens when a pope dies?

Another pops up.

What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?

He gets taller.

This joke may have profanity.

How many atheist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. It will happen itself.

What is the worst that can happen to an atheist caricaturist ?

To die as a martyr.

What happens to all the unsold christmas trees?

A Total TreeCull. Basically, on the evening of December 25th, every christmas tree salesperson does the trees

What happens if you don't pay after an exorcism?

You'll get repossessed!

What happened to the Christian family when they didn't pay their exorcist?

THEIR HOUSE GOT REPOSSESSED!

What happens when you combine TNT with a hard drive?

It gets blown to

What happens when you put your grandma on speedial?

You get Insta-Gram

What happened when pigs started flying?

Everyone got swine flu

What happens when a linguist gets sick?

Plosive diarrhea

What happened to the cant when it ate a ball of wool?

What happened to the cat when it ate a ball of wool? It had mittens

What happens if you cut off your left hand?

You would be all right.

What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom?

The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2.

What happens when a vampire drinks too much?

They get a fangover.

What happens when you go to the bathroom scared?

A spooky dookie.

What's the deal with my laptop?

I'm sitting there typing and the battery drains, does this ever happen to you? So this little message pops up: Plug in or find another power source. Do you get that message? What other power source are they talking about? Well, I can't find that cable, so I'll go ahead and plug in to the hamster wheel generator I keep just in case. That's my other power source.

What happened to good old-fashion soap?

Is it too basic?

What happened after the King of All Cosmos destroyed the stars in a drunken rage?

Divine intervention. edit: Oh.

You might also enjoy:

Leave Jokes More Leave Jokes

Why did the perv leave?

Because he came.

Why is a woman like a KFC?

After your done with the thighs and breasts all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Battery Jokes More Battery Jokes

Why did the police arrest the energizer bunny?

He was wanted for several charges of battery

Why was the Energizer Bunny in court?

Because it was charged with battery.

Guest Jokes More Guest Jokes

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

What do you call a coast ghost that's a guest at a celebrity ghost roast?

A ghost toastie!

Year Jokes More Year Jokes

What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?

An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...

How many Deadheads (Grateful Dead fans) does it take to change a lightbulb?

No one knows, they wait for it to burn out and follow it around for twenty years.

Vice President Jokes More Vice President Jokes

Why isn't the Vice President running for President this year?

Cuz he's Biden his time.

What happens when the President dies?

The Vice President takes over. What happens when the Vice President dies? The Speaker of the House takes over. What happens when the Speaker of the House dies? You go to Radio Shack and buy a new speaker.

Friend Jokes More Friend Jokes

Why was little Billy so sad when his friends played on the swingset?

He had no arms. Sorry that joke was stupid, let me try again. Knock Knock "Whose there?" Not Billy

What did the stuttering Mexican say to his friend when he tried to steal his food?

These are nacho-nachos.

Impression Jokes More Impression Jokes

Why couldn't the artist get a driver's license?

He gave off a good Impression, but couldn't make a Van Gogh.

What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?

So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year ,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.

Wait Jokes More Wait Jokes

How do you keep getting in here?

ZOO OFFICIAL: Wait. Let's hear him out.

Why did the hipster burn his tongue drinking tea?

Because he didn't wait for it to be cool.