Head Jokes

Why don't birds wear underwear?

Because, their pecker is on their head.

This joke may have profanity.

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug

Interactive Joke of the Day Mug
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What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

I have only my shelf to blame"

What's black, white, and red all over and can't turn around in a narrow hallway?

A nun with a spear through her head.

Why did the leper return to the shower?

He forgot his head and shoulders.

What did one hat say to another?

You stay here, I'll go on a head!

Why is the Statue of Liberty a woman?

Because the head had to be empty in order to build a restaurant.

What's black, white, red, and has trouble going through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

What did the hat say to the hat rack?

You stay here, I'll go on a head

Why do ostriches have long necks?

Because their heads are so far from their bodies!

Why can Owls turn there head 270 degrees?

Because they don't have wing mirrors.

Why are a lot of Italians named Tony?

Because as they got on the boat to leave Italy, they were stamped on the head, "TO NY".

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Couple's Daily Question Mug
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What do you get when you give a head of lettuce to an epileptic?

A seizure salad.

What do you call an Asian lady with a Mixmaster on her head?

Brenda

Why couldn't JFK be a boxer?

He couldn't take shots to the head.

What is the similarity between women and square roots?

If they are under 16 you should just do them in your head.

Why did the accountant go crazy?

He started to hear invoices in his head.

Why couldn't the penguin turn around in the phone booth?

Because he had a javelin through his head.

How do you hit 20 flies in one shot?

Hit an Ethiopian in the head with a frying pan.

What happened when the lepers played poker?

One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently.

What's hard and hairy and sticks out of your pajamas at night?

Your head.

What do you call a chinese woman with a food processor on her head?

Brenda.

Why do Transformers always have their heads in the clouds?

They're robots in da skies.

What's one profession that doctors, lawyers, even the king of Saudi Arabia and the presidents of the USSR and US bow their heads to?

Barbers.

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh. - *My little brother told me this one hit me with a little bit of nostalgia.*

What's black, white, red, and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a javelin through her head.

How do you know the girl from Jaws had dandruff?

She left her Head &amp Shoulders on the beach

Why do you forget a tooth as soon as the dentist pulls it out?

Because it goes right out of your head.

How do you know if someone's an expert archer?

Put an apple on your head &amp stand still he'll Tell you.

How can you tell if a shark has dandruff?

He left his head and shoulders on the beach.

Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?

A. The thought had never entered his head before.

What did the seamen say to his friend?

It was a long road, but I ended up coming out a head.

What does the head of the Catholic Church used to buy goods online?

Papal

What's more fun than swinging an infant over your head with a rope as fast as you can?

Stopping it with a shovel

What do you call an American with a lavatory on his head ?

John.

What do you call a middle eastern man with a bounty on his head?

A towel head.

What goes "Hahahahaha...*thud*"?

Someone laughing their head off

How can you tell if a cat is blonde?

A: No matter what height you drop it from it always lands on its head.

What does a desperate Mexican do?

Bangs his head against the wall.

Where do you think you're going at this hour?

gun hangs head & turns around

Why did the bald man draw rabbits all over his head?

From a distance they look like hares!

Why didn't you answer me ?

Pupil: I did I shook my head Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !

What's the worst thing to hear after giving head to Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson.

What did the hat say to the coat stand?

You stay here, I'll go on a head.

Where'd my boomerang go?

Under there "Under where " Hahaha I just made you say "underwear" *boomerang hits me in the back of the head*

Why do ducks nod their head when they walk?

They're listening to duckstep!

Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?

A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know " whenever you ask them a question.

What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head?

Dead.

What goes on forever with no head?

A loveless marriage.

How do you know Kurt Cobain didn't have dandruff?

A bit of his head and shoulders were found behind the couch.

What do you say to a two headed monster?

Hello hello.

What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head?

A super-fish-oil wound

Where are most fish found ?

Between the head and the tail !

Why is a pig in a water trough like a penny?

Because its head is on one side and its tail is on the other.

How much for a haircut?

Barber: Fifteen dollars. How much for a shave Barber: Ten dollars. Right - shave my head.

What did captain Kirk do in the head?

He Shatner.

What do you say to an alien with two heads?

Hello. Hello.

What do you call a man with a colander on his head?

COLIN! Duh!!!

Why are people not right in the head?

Because on the left side of the brain there is nothing right and on the right side there is nothing left!

How do you castrate a priest?

Kick the altar boy in the back off the head

How do you stop a woman giving you head?

Marry her.

What did the head trauma patients do when the price of medicine went up?

A: They went on stroke.

What do you call an English teacher five feet tall covered from head to toe in boils and totally bald?

Sir!

Why do successful lettuce farmers always get women?

Because everyone knows they give good *head*.

Why would you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can make dinner and get head at the same time.

What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head ?

Petal !

What does a monster do when he loses his head?

He calls a head hunter.

What do get if you cross a parrot and a crocodile?

A: An animal that talks your head off.

What does the handyman who has no legs wear on his head?

The handycap.

Why did the headless chicken cross the road?

Cause he was supposed to be-headed to the other side

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?

A: You have to hollow out the head.

What did the barber say to the Potato?

You've got eyes on the back of your head!"

What do you call an Ethiopian with a piece of cheese on his head?

Quarter pounder with cheese!

What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor?

A: A baby with a javellin through its head.

Why do Chihuahuas have such short necks?

Because their heads are so close to their bodies!

How do Australians sleep?

With their heads at the foot of the bed.

Why wasn't the patient concerned when she was told she had a brain tumor?

The doctor said it was all in her head

What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?

It took ears off his life!

Why did the schoolteacher who was in love with head of the school take out a loan with the bank?

A: Because she had an interest in the principal.

What's black and white and can't fit through a door?

x-post r/AntiJokes) A zebra with a spear through its head.

Why was the monster standing on his head at the birthday party?

He heard they were having upside-down cake!

What lands as often on its tail as it does its head?

A penny.

What's roughly 6 inches long, has a head on it, and women love it so much that they often blow it?

A 20 dollar bill

What's black and white and can't go through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head.

What's that pig doing in the middle of the road with a red light on its head?

Didn't you tell me to put out a stop swine

Why is your face all scratched ?

My girlfriend said it with flowers. How romantic. Not really she hit me round the head with a bunch of thorny roses !

What is the similarity between tight rope walking and an old lady giving you head?

You don't want to look down.

How do you keep a lawyer from drowning?

You take your foot off the top of their head.

How did he do that?

I dropped it on his head.

Where is the monster's temple?

On the side of his head.

Why did Patrick Stewart shave his head?

So he could badly go where no man has gone before.

What didn't the Japanese understand nuclear missile technology?

It was a little over their heads

What goes ha, ha, ha, clunk?

A man laughing his head off.

Which is harder to make?

A blonde brunette or a red-headed snowman A: A blonde because you have to hollow out its head

What was the point in making your car louder, bro?

Do you really want women to turn their heads and notice you drive a 1999 Honda Civic

What's black and white and can't turn around in an elevator?

A nun with a spear through her head.

Why does a blond dog have lumps on his head?

A: He's been chasing parked cars.

Why are giraffe's necks so long?

Because their heads are so far away from their bodies!

Why couldn't the headless horseman win the race?

He couldn't get a head.

What is about 6 in long, has a head, girls love to blow it, and is in a guys pants?

a dollar bill you dirty minded people!! LMFAO

Why don't roosters wear underwear?

Their peckers are on their heads.

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What do you call a middle eastern man with a bounty on his head?

A towel head.

What was so special about Bounty's new line of paper towels?

nothing they were tearable.

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How do snowmen get around?

By icicle.

Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?

Because he thought his wife was a flake.

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Why did the Siamese twins move to England?

So the one on the right could drive for a change.

How do you call a 100 m race between siamese twins?

Head to head race

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What do my wife and a chest freezer have in common?

The exterior is hot, but its cold as ice inside.

Why did the monster put the cake in the freezer?

Because he had been told to ice it.

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What does a dentist do in his free time?

Shoot lions.

What's yellow and smells like a zebra?

Lion vomit.

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What happened when the cannibal was late to the dinner party?

He got the cold shoulder.

What happens when you witness a shipwreck?

You let it sink in.

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Why do rabbits always get banned from CS:GO?

Because they're always bunny-hopping.

Why did the Duck flying in the sky get Shot?

Michael J Fox was hunting rabbits.

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What do you call the cool, terroristy Muslims?

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What's a Muslim's favorite TV show?

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