Cry Jokes

Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?

He was having a mid-life crisis

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Why is Jesus always sad?

Because Jesus Christ (Cries)

What is 18 inches long, pink, squishy, and makes women cry?

SIDS

What do you say to your sister when she's crying?

Are you having a crisis?

Why did the girl cry on the swing?

She has cancer

Why did the German girl count to three, then cry?

Because her boyfriend was going in .

What is the difference between a baby and a feminist?

The baby grows up and learns to stop crying.

What's red, 6 inches long and makes my gf cry when i feed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

Whats the difference between a baby and a feminist?

At some point in its life, a baby will grow up and stop crying.

What's the difference between onions and your mother-in-law?

You don't cry when chopping your mother-in-law.

What did the other nose say to the other nose when it was crying?

It told it a Nak-Nak joke! (In my language Urdu, Nak means nose.)

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What is the difference between a baby and a onion?

No one cries when you chop up the baby.

Why was the Nigerian toddler crying?

He was going through mid life crisis.

Why is it considered socially wrong to make fun of a crying 10-year old boy in Africa?

Because it's normal to undergo a midlife crisis.

What's common between a crying baby and a gun?

You must not bring either to the movies.

Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the leper colony ?

Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out.

How did Tarzan get his cry?

As he was about to swing to the next tree he said, "OK, Cheeta, hang on anywhere".

How do you react when looking in the mirror?

You cry because you shoved a cactus up your peckar.

What did Anakin Skywalker cry out as he lay dying and on fire?

Patme! Patme! Credit to my wife on this one

What happens to the water level in the aquarium when one of the fish dies?

It rises because the rest of the fishes are crying :'(

What's the difference between a saxophone and an onion?

You don't cry when you cut up a saxophone. Happy Saxophone Day Why this musical abomination deserves its own day is beyond me. Edit: beside to beyond

Why did the cheese cry?

It was degrating.

Why was the strawberry crying?

Because it's mom was in a real jam.

How many Emos does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They prefer to cry in the dark.

Why was the little boy crying at the diamond store?

He went to Jared

How are babies different from feminists ?

Babies grow up and stop crying

Why does the sky cry sometimes?

Because it's blue :(

What did Russia say to Ukraine after the conflict was over?

Cry me a peninsula.

What's the difference between a baby and a washing machine?

A washing machine doesn't cry when it takes a load.

What makes a grown man cry?

Watching his wife and children die before his eyes.

What bounces and makes kids cry?

The cheque I just sent to Save the Children.

Why is the peanut crying?

Because he couldn't handle his roast

What sits in the corner of the room, crying and getting smaller and smaller?

A baby combing it's hair with a vegetable peeler.

How do you make a baby cry?

Drop it. How do you make a baby stop crying? Drop it again.

What did the dolphin say when three orcas swam by?

Whale, whale, whale, who do we have here? Please, this is a cry for help.

Why does the noble gas always cry?

Because all his friends Argon.

How many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They just sit in the dark and cry.

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up an accordion

Why was the young boy crying?

Because he had a frog stapled to his face

Why was the mentally challenged midget crying?

He was a little down.

Why did the elk cry at the funeral?

He had lost a deer friend

What bounces and makes little children cry?

My donation check to Feed the Children!

What's big, bounces, and makes little kids cry?

My donation check to the orphanage.

Why was the young strawberry crying?

His parents were in a jam.

What is the difference between a Mother and Wife?

One woman brings you into this world crying and the other ensures you continue to do so.

Whore?

I don't cry when I chop up a Whore.

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Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Because his mother was in a jam.

Who Deserves Love"?

ME crying: Hahaha

How do you make Helen Keller cry?

Turn the stool upside-down

What part of the road is always crying?

A: The breakdown lane.

Why is he crying?

Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison M: What 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole.

Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife?

Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool

What do you call an alien starship that drips water?

A crying saucer.

Why didn't the Asian man cry when his wife died?

Because he just couldn't bereave it.

Why did the biscuit cry?

His mum had been a wafer too long.

Why did you leave us so early?

He is asked why are you so crying Do you cry about your close relative -No, I am crying about the first husband of my wife.

Why is 9 crying?

me: Because it's raining and he's getting wet wife: But we're at a water park me *takes a drink from my flask* Yep

What's the difference between the cries of a grieving family and reggae music?

I would feel awkward dancing to reggae music.

Why was the cookie crying?

Because it's mom was a wafer so long.

What's the difference between an onion and a woman?

I cry when I cut open an onion

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

Which country has the most crying people per km?

The Soviet Onion

What is green and sits crying in the corner?

The incredible Sulk.

Why are you crying?

me: You just crushed all the Oreo's in my fanny pack

What were you before you came to school boys and girls?

asked the teacher hoping that someone would say "babies." She was disappointed when all the children cried out "Happy!"

Why did the apple cry?

A: Its peelings were hurt.

Why did the man cry when he was cutting up onions?

Onions" was his dog... D:

What did the pea say to the peanut?

At least you got one nut, I don't see what you're crying about.

Why do babies cry so much?

YOU'RE MOM.

Where you see yourself in 5 years?

Doing your job. "And me " Jobless and upset about the divorce "OMG" *runs out crying*

What's the difference between an onion and a dead whore?

I cried when I cut up the onion. (Jack the Ripper)

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Why did the mummy cry himself to sleep every night?

Because he was empty inside.

What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion?

You cry when you cut up an onion.

Why didn't the girl cry after learning of her boyfriend's leprosy diagnosis?

She didn't have a shoulder to cry on!

What did the mother snake say to her crying baby ?

Stop crying and viper your nose !

What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe.

Why was the Pepsi crying while lifting weights?

Because he was soda-pressing

What's funnier than a crying baby?

A dead baby.

Why did the strawberry cry?

Because his mother was in a jam.

Why do blck men cry when they make love to white women?

Mace...

How could you do this to me?

she cried. I responded, "Well, I can't. That's why I'm doing it to her."

Why are people so sore about Russia taking the Crimea?

I mean cry me a river river right

What does my Uncle and my account balance have in common?

I cry whenever I see them.

Why are you crying Ted ?

asked his mum. 'Because my new sneakers hurt.' 'That's because you have put them on the wrong feet.' 'But they are the only feet I have.'

Why did the water level in the pond rise?

Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies.

Why do Nigerian babies cry?

Midlife crisis

Why do babies cry when they're born?

Because it's the most painful day in their lives

What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker

What's the difference between an onion and an accordion?

A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

What is the difference between an Irish drinking song and a Country drinking song?

You don't cry in your beer when the Irish song is playing.

What's the difference between a Pizza and an onion?

No one cries when you cut up Pizza.

What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby ?

A cry for Alp !

Why people cry during the weddings?

they are preparing for whats coming afterwards

Why do onions have poor self-image?

Because people cry when they get onions naked.

What do you call Will Smith's crying daughter?

A weeping Willow.

Why don't u share a bed?

cried Baby Bear.

What's the difference between a cry baby and Dallas Cowboys fans?

Eventually the baby stops crying

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.

How do you tell if your Billy Idol fan girlfriend has a Three Stooges fetish?

In the midnight hour she cried "Moe! Moe! Moe!"

What am I gonna do with a river?

Could you cry me a beer

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