Wear Jokes

This was incredibly clever when I first thought of it but then I did some research...the closest they get to being Italian is that George Clooney was a "pioneer" for them: Reading that makes me never want to wear them again.

What do most people wear to court?

Law-suits

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

The codpiece he made out of his girlfriend's face.

Why don't women wear watches?

Because there's a perfectly good clock on the stove

Why do women parachutists wear cups?

So they won't whistle on the way down.

Why shouldn't you wear a watch on your belt?

It'd be a waste of time.

Why do hippies wear patchouli?

So blind people can hate them, too.

Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants?

Incase he gets a hole in one

Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans?

So people can read her lips.

Why were there only 49 contestants in the National Ebonics Beauty Pageant?

Nobody wanted to wear the sash that says "Idaho".

Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask?

You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.

What do you call an alligator detective wearing a waistcoat?

An investigator.

Why do Native Americans wear jock straps?

TOTEM POLE

Why do you think people hate us so much?

Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."

Which astronaut wears the biggest helmet?

The one with the biggest head.

What does a grizzly wear under his fur?

Under-bear.

What do clouds wear under their clothes?

A: Thunderware.

Why are you wearing?

existentialist reporter on the red carpet

What type of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers

Why do Arabs wear thawbs?

Goats can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What do you call a woman who's not wearing underwear?

A barracuchi.

What kind of jackets do Audiophiles wear?

FLAC jackets

What do Pentecostals and Nudists have in common?

Neither can wear pants

How do you know a homeless woman is menstruating?

If she's only wearing one sock. (This joke brought to you courtesy the homeless guy outside my local 7-11.) Edit: tweaked the punchline.

Why do midgets refuse to wear tampons?

Because they keep stepping on the string.

Why didnt you wear the sports jacket I got you?

Me: You bought me a ski jacket Her: Skiing is a sport!

What is the best thing to wear with a Michel Jackson jacket?

Your Billie Jeans

Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?

A.) Because red means Stop.

Why doesn't a chicken wear underwear?

Because his pecker is on his face!

This joke may have profanity.

What's red and green and wears boxing gloves?

A fruit punch.

Why did the detective wear a patch on his left eye?

It's his private eye.

Why does the Pirate Wear Camouflage Underwear?

To hide his booty.

What kind of jacket would Michael J. Fox wear if he was black?

OC A parka, son.

Why do Italians wear gold necklaces?

So they know where to stop shaving

Why'd you get me carrots and lettuce?

Wait but that means-" *Hamster at home wearing glorious diamond earrings*

What does a dog like to wear when it's exercising?

Pants.

Why don't women wear skirts in the winter?

Ever try and peel apart a cold grilled cheese sandwich

What do mosquitoes think of people who wear bug spray?

They are just OFF-full

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ?

A guard dog !

What's the difference between Batman and Martin Brodeur?

Batman isn't wearing hockey pads.

What do you call a Frenchman that wears sandals?

Phillipe Floppe Courtesy, my Neuroscience Prof.

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

A: Because red means stop.

What wears a black white and tan coat but has no hair?

A bald beagle!

Why does an elephant wear sneakers ?

So that he can sneak up on mice !

What kind of shoe does Mr. T wear?

T-shoes!

What do you think astronauts wear to keep warm?

Girl: Apollo neck jumpers

What did the ghost wearing sox say?

Shhoooooooooooooeeeeeesss!! Shoooooooooooooooooose !

Why did... Why did the golfer wear an extra pair of pants?

In case he got a hole in one! Ha Ha Ha Ha

Why did my sperm cross the road?

Because my wife wore the wrong socks.

What is white and blue and swings through the jungle?

a refrigerator wearing a denim jacket

What do Greek soccer players wear?

Soccer tee's

Why do Canadian cops not need to wear body cameras?

Because Tim Hortons already has cameras!

What do you call a bell wearing a tutu ?

A bellerina !

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear?

He kilt himself

What do cows wear when they're vacationing in Hawaii?

Moo moos

Why do Nuns always wear Black &amp?

White? No particular reason, it's just a habit they have.

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?

They can wear casual clothes to work

Who wants to go out to dinner and scream and cry and make daddy wish he wore more condoms?

Kids: WE DO! YAY!

What did Helen Keller say when she fell into the snow?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

What did the confused Mackem say when he discovered that he was smack bang in the middle of Newcastle?

I'm in the middle of *no Wear*

Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?

A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing their from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know " whenever you ask them a question.

Why do electricians wear pants?

Because they hate shorts.

Why do you wear riding boots?

You don't ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers You don't sneak.

Why don't tortoises wear scarves?

They have turtlenecks

What does the German President wear?

Leader-hosen.

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