Want Jokes

None, they don't use light bulbs. They live in caves and use no forms of artificial energy because they wouldn't want to be perceived as hypocrites or morons.

What did the Baskin-Robbins manager say to the employee that wanted to date a co-worker?

Don't poop where you scoop.

Whats the last thing you want to hear before you go to sleep?

Zippity Bop, Puddin' pop!

Why don't house painters wear wedding rings on the job?

Nobody wants to marry an underemployed alcoholic.

Why did the Mexican food go to counseling?

He wanted to taco bout his problems

What department do you not want to end up at in a corporation run by cannibals?

Human Resources.

Why are women so afraid of looking stupid?

Because they don't want the world to know!

Why don't men want to go down on a woman first thing in the morning?

have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese?

Why is Superman wanted by the police?

He is wanted for being the Man of Steal.

What is the difference?

What its the difference between a quarter and a guy? Neither gets had when you want tail

What did the Giant say after he ate Tonga?

I want Samoa!'

Why was Thor disappointed by his birthday party?

Because it was more Loki than he wanted.

What size box of condoms do you never want to buy?

The family size.

Why did the groom want his bride to wear white?

He wanted his new dish washer to match his fridge.

What do they tell Soviet children who want to achieve their dreams?

Shoot for the Tsars.

What do they call number 17 in black jack ?

The stepmother, because sometimes you want to hit her, even though you shouldn't

What do you call a banana you want tomorrow in spanish?

Baana

What's one thing a man doesn't want to hear the morning after?

Yes, I'm completely sure.

Why did the poor man sell yeast?

He wanted to make some doe!

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

What did the Chili's waitress say about her kidnapped daughter?

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.

What are some good Asian jokes you know?

I read some jokes from this sub to my Asian co-worker and she wanted me to ask if you guys have some good Asian jokes to help us get through the rest of the work day.

What's something that Slaves have and rich people want?

Nothing!

What does Moses do when he wants a beer?

He brews!

Why do Newfies want Qubec to separate?

So it's a shorter drive to Toronto!

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware store?

Because he wanted a tight seal.

Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships?

They wanted to see what a winning team looked like.

What's the difference between fishing and dating?

In one you don't want to jerk the hook, but in the other you don't want to hook the jerk.

How do bros want their drinks?

NOICE!!!!

Why can't the incredible hulk find a girlfriend?

Because all the girls know he just wants to smash

What do you call a yak that wants to talk to you about a network marketing opportunity?

A cognac

What did a blind french guy said he wanted for christmas?

All I want for christmas is yeux"

Why did the optimistic Chinese guy wish he had multiple personality disorder?

He wanted to be the Changs he wanted to see in the world.

What do you call a man with no arms?

Anything you want. He is 'armless

Why did the leper chase the leopard?

Because she wanted the D. (I dreamed this joke last night. Not bad for a dream joke.)

What part does Woody Harrelson want to be remembered for most?

Harrelson's woodie.

Why did the turkey walk across the road twice?

He didn't want to be called chicken

What is a paranoid man's favorite food?

Who wants to know?

Why can't you tell puns to a kleptomaniac?

because they take everything literally (p.s. you can steal this joke if you want)

Why are there no awards for excellence in betas?

Because no one wants to be the master beta tester.

What does a guy drink when he wants to go out with a girl?

DATERADE

Why did the groom ask his bride to wear white?

Because he wanted his dishwasher to match the fridge and stove

How are babies and strippers alike?

They're fun to play with but I wouldn't want to take one home

Why didn't the scarecrow want dessert?

Because he was stuffed!

What Did The Hard Drive Get When It Wanted Data But Didn't Have The Resources?

A Cache-Advance

Why do Europeans hate American food?

Europeans don't want to die yet. Unlike Americans who don't wanna diet.

Why are there only 49 Miss Black America contestants?

Because none of them want to be Miss. Idaho

Why is the all-seeing eye the symbol of the occult?

Because they want us all under super-vision!

Who do fish listen to when they want to hear some dubstep?

Krillex.

What do you call Mike Tyson without any arms?

Whatever you want

What did Jesus want when he appeared on a piece of toast?

Miracle whip.

Why didn't the motorcycle want to go for a ride?

It was two tired...

What's a hillbillies favorite holiday? Halloween.... Do you want to know why?

Because they like to pump kin.

What do Robin Williams and Joan Rivers want for Christmas?

A. Betty White.

Why did the ninja go to college?

He wanted to be a ninja-neer.

Why does no one want to work in the yard with a carpenter?

Because they take a fence to that.

Why did The Walrus go to a Tupperware party?

He wanted to find a tight seal.

What is the last thing you want to hear after blowing Willie Nelson?

I'm not Willie Nelson' Credit: old joke via: Norm Macdonald

When Lil John goes to a hotel and they ask him if he wants turn down service, does he refuse?

That's all.

What did the diver say to the oyster?

I want that pearl! Don't be shellfish!

What's the difference between a gardener and a pimp?

A gardener doesn't want his hose to have kinks.

Why did Dave Grohl buy such a tall house?

He wanted to make sure he was getting the best, the best, the best, the best-a view.

How do you tell when a girl really wants you?

When you put your hand down her pants you think you're feeding a horse.

Why did the gamer start working out?

He wanted to finally get respecced.

Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog?

Cause he wanted to get along little doggie.

What do you call a woman who wants lots of compensation?

Sue.

What did the busy port master say to the rowdy pirates who wanted to dock?

I don't have time for your ship."

Why was the orphan so successful?

When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option. (I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)

Who wants gold?

amuse me first...hahaha

Why should you not let your kids go to Korean Discos?

Because you don't want them hanging around Parks at night.

What do all Amish women want?

2 Mennonite.

Why does the Easter Bunny hide eggs?

Because, he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.

What seemed to be the parrots problem?

Prolly wanted a cracker!

You might also enjoy:

Man Jokes More Man Jokes

Want Jokes

Why would anybody ever want to visit New Brunswick?

Why did the boy want to see a thunder storm in Greece?

Which fruit wanted to run away and get married, but couldn't?

Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago?

What do French people say when they don't want to see someone ever again?

Why did the English teacher hire a midget geography nut as his lawyer?

What do you call a spider that wants to overthrow the government?

Why does the army want to only recruit married men?

How do you get rid of pubic lice?

Why do tigers have stripes?

Why did little Jimmy cross the road?

What is an Iraqi children on a playground doing?

What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day?

What did the car say when it's front wheels were stolen?

Why didn't Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate?

What do you call a woman with two black eyes?

Why'd the robber take a bath?

Why was the bumble bee wearing a yamaka?

Why did God bless Texas?

What did the Australian grandmaster say to the banker, when asked what he wanted to exchange?

Why would anyone want to study the Earth and how it rotates?

What did Meghan Trainor say when she got mugged?

What does bread do when it wants to get married...?

Why do athletes like Sports Illustrated Magazine so much?

What are the four words that you least want to hear, after having blown Willie Nelson?

Why did Fred put band aids in the refrigerator?

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

How many Global Warming nutjobs does it take to change a light bulb?